Return to me

Part 1: As I lay breathing

Saying things were tough was an understatment; things were more like impossible...

Going in and out of the studio was indescribable with out Stevie; not having her input, not having her there at all as his muse. She was all that Lindsey had when it came to creating his song base, using her as his object of desire, though his desire was still full blossom.

Having tried calling Stevie and not hearing back was shocking at most, not having her return a call was always serious, and it broke Lindsey's heart. Christine was concerned, having tried to reach her old friend, at least hearing back from her unlike Lindsey. It made him jealous but kept it hidden from his current duet buddy.

"Chrissy, it's not that I don't enjoy making music with you but what is the point?"  Stevie had said. "We are not young anymore, we don't have anything to prove, and who will buy it?"

Neither Lindsey or Chris could understand her loathe for creating something new, doing whatever they could to sway her, but then she left... Stevie went on tour with The Pretenders with out even saying a word, doing her own thing, claiming that she was having the time of her life. Stevie was pretty much out of the picture when it came to this album, Lindsey and Christine deciding that a duet project would have to do; they had spent more than enough time creating melodies and lyrics to these songs. Why should they stop while they were on to something? Why should they have to wait for Stevie to change her mind? Or would she ever?

Being preoccupied as Lindsey always was, though it was always  one thing or another, this time being back to Stevie. He missed her so much and wanted to hear her voice, feel the touch of her hand, smell the familiar scent of her pefume. This was tragic for a man that has been in love with a woman he's never been able to snag, fighting for her love, wanting her approval at all times. For Lindsey, it just wasn't fair.

One night, locking up the studio himself after Christine headed home, Lindsey took a second to smoke a joint; his wife hated it and brought him to stop but there were these times...

Feeling calmer than he had earlier, which from reading the latest article on Stevie not wanting to release any new material - how she wasn't even writing like she used to, it left Lindsey dumbfounded. Yes, they came from a different generation when the music business was relatively booming and now rarely hitting the airwaves but they were legends. They still had their followers and their devoted fans, selling out arenas across the world so why would she feel the need to pull out on what she loved? It bothered Lindsey more than it should but then everything about Stevie seemed to bother him.

Getting situated in his car, turning on the radio and rolling down the window, Lindsey started off for home. He was almost on auto pilot, not really paying attention but knowing where he had to go, blindsighted by an on coming truck heading for the hills. The light was surely green but being blinded, he thought wrong, it actually being red...

That was the last thing Lindsey remembered.

***

The pain in her chest was at most heavy, the tears burning her eyes as it mixed with her mascara, incapable of controlling her sobs as she dropped the phone to the carpeting.

"NO - NO - NO!" shrieked Stevie, falling over on to the floor as she lost all breath. The news of hearing Lindsey suffering a T-bone in the middle of an intersection, now in a coma, had Stevie feeling as if she lost him. Her connection to Lindsey was like no other, no other human being on this planet could understand or know her better than Lindsey Buckingham. If she lost him then she would lose herself forever...

Karen had to help her up from the floor, it not being easy, Stevie not wanting to help at all as she could barely keep her legs from wobbling. "Talk to me, Stevie," Karen said, holding on to Stevie's face.