Quotes and Poems On Depression and SelfHarm

To Be Happy

She walks through the front door. Late as usual. She goes straight to the fridge and grabs a her fix, you know the kind in a brown bottle with a metal pop top. She doesn't even notice that I'm no where to be seen, she never notices. Wait untill she sees, just wait.

For couple of hours she sits there the TV playing in the back ground, but she not paying attention to it. She's to high off her herion, and drunk on her drink to think about anything else.

Waiting, waiting, and waiting some more. She still doesn't even think to check on me, or see if I'm okay. What I'm doing, if I'm even here. What kinda of mother does that huh? What kind? The kind that doesn't care, that never cared.

Movement. Finally she got up off the couch. She walking to the bathroom. This is it. She'll finally notice something about me, even if it's the last thing she ever will.

She opens the door half way, but something is blocking the rest. She pushes a little till it moves aside. The foot that was in the way of the door is the first thing she sees. Then the blood. My blood. Then my face, my wrist, my lifeless corpse laying there.

“No! No no no no no no” She just keeps repeating ‘no’ over again. She gets down and pulls me into her arms, while crying, and screaming. Rocking back in forth like it will bring me back. It wont.

“Why?” she cries. “Why would you do this? When did this even start? Why would you leave me? I love you!” she screams, and cries out.

“No you didn't. You did not love me, and if you did you had a really fucked up way of showing it. I was tired you you never seeing me. Like really seeing me. All I ever was, was in your way. I just wanted you to see something even if it was the last thing I could ever do. At least you'd see it.” I speak out loud like she could actually hear me, even though I new she couldn't.

“And when did it start, that's something you should have fucking known!!! But you didn't you notice anything about me. You didn't notice that I'd been acting different, or the meals I'd been skipping, or how my voice got quite, and soft, or how when people were around I just didn't talk. You didn't notice how my close got baggy, and loose, or how I was always in my room. You never noticed how I seemed to basically always disappear. You didn't care about anything accept your drugs, and cases of beer!” I yelled in her face hoping that she would get the message, but she didn't. 

She didn't hear me any better dead then she did when I was alive. She will never hear me, notice me, love me. She'll never understand how much I wanted her to care. She'll never know that all I wanted was her support, and the lack of that along with the bullying, and self hate is what sent me over the edge. What made me cutt a little deeper and a little more untill I went as far as anyone could go. I should have left a note, but at the same time I'm glad I didn't. She'll never understand, or really care. In a couple of months she'll be over it, and happy that I'm out of her hair.

No one will miss me. No one will grieve. I was always just in the way. People are going to be happy that I'm gone. So I'm glad I did it. I'm glad it's done. Now I won't be around to bother no one. I won't be call fat, ugly, useless, wast of space. I won't have to endure the bullying anymore. I won't be sad, scared, or hurt, I'll be free. I bet the girl who told me to ‘Go kill myself’ yesterday didn't think I'd actually do it. But it's done. And I'm happy. For the first time in my life I'm truly happy, and that's all I've ever really wanted was To Be Happy.

- Mine