Free Mya

19: in which Mya reacts to Daniel's return

Back! From Outer Space!

By Mya

Mya cannot write. Mya can draw little pictures, but not actually write real words. Mya can draw her name, but it is short, short, short. MYA. Nearly everyone's name is longer than Mya's. For many years, MYA was told that there was no need for me to learn to write, and that women could not write. So MYA is talking to Amber. A machine is making a copy of what Mya says. Amber is listening to the spoken words and making them into writing. Then we are talking about what she has written and making some changes in places.

When Daniel first left, I cried and I screamed. Alison stroked my hair and tried to make me happy again. I thought Daniel had left to punish me. I felt bad about what happened with Carmen. I felt dreadful that he had left my poor little baby. Topaz needed his money nearly as much as she needed my milk.

Why would anyone want to hurt a poor, defenceless baby by leaving no money for her? Only some silly gifts. Maybe he had, despite his protests, wanted a boy instead of Topaz. Perhaps he thought she would become a bad woman. Like me.

Maybe he wanted me to give Topaz away. She could have a good life with new parents. Her new mother would love her and make her happy and give her toys.

I wondered if Daniel had ever wanted to keep her. He wanted me to name her after a necklace that he had kept in a box for a long time. When I found out more about Earth names, I started to wonder about the name. I realised he could have asked me to name her a name that meant "loved baby" or "beautiful baby" or "my baby has pretty eyes".

Or at least the name of something alive, like a flower.

I would be broken and lost without my only baby. Without even a husband to make a new baby. I could not consider the idea of ever having another husband.

Daniel was the only husband I had ever wanted.

Then I wondered if Daniel wanted me to sleep with another man. Maybe he wanted me to make my money like that. I did not want to.

I wondered if he had signed bits of paper that gave Topaz away to new parents. Or maybe he had sold her? What if her new mother turned up, looking happy, with bits of paper Mya could not read and expecting to take Topaz away to her new home?

I would make her so unhappy telling her not to take Topaz.

What if she took her anyway? Then I would be very unhappy.

I couldn't quite understand why a sterile woman would ask her husband to buy a baby girl. Maybe they could not afford to buy a boy and they needed to prove to his parents that she could have babies. Then they would save up more money and get a boy as well.

Of course, his parents might ask questions if their son and his wife turned up with a baby of Topaz's age. But Daniel had told me that some people live very far indeed from their parents and maybe news does not travel fast in these cases!

Perhaps the woman would be doing the buying. Maybe her husband had been working away from home. Maybe he was suspicious that she had faked her pregnancy. He would be convinced the child was his, because nobody would actually think of buying a girl. Then he would think she was fertile, and stay with her. Then she could save up enough money for a boy.

Are husbands told if their wives are sterile? Do doctors agree to keep it a secret? Are they paid to keep it secret, by the woman's father perhaps? Or do women have tests to prove they are fertile before their husbands agree to marry them?

Would Tavruk have married Lalavaya if a test had shown up her infertility? I do not think so!

I didn't know much about all this, but I knew that people were allowed to have babies and then refuse to take care of them.