Living the dream

Chapter 20

By the way if you are wondering what I did after me and Alexa walked back into the cabin. We all just unpacked and settled down in our beds. But now Harry is sleeping next to me in bed awhile I lay on my bed eyes wide open and thinking. My hand reached down into my bag and I pulled out my bathroom kit. I then stuffed it back into my bag. Should I? No. That would be wrong. I have so many people that love me. I pulled it out again. But I have reasons to do it. The pain can help me feel better. Help get my sudden wave of stress out. I rummaged around my bathroom kit and pulled out a razor. I could hear Alexa and Harry's voice in my head saying not to do it. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I got up and walked into the bathroom and through the razor into the toilet. I flushed it down. I squeezed my eyes tight and mumbled to myself

" I am loved. "

At that I climbed in bed and fell asleep

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I'm a vampire. Am I supposed to have fears? No, before twilight people feared vampires the most. We were people's greatest fear. Should we have fears? I find myself having one. No two. No three. I am afraid of losing my family. What if Alexa somehow died? What if a maniac cut her with a pure silver knife? Or Harry. What if a hater assassinated? But what if I died? I would never have to go through that pain. Fear number two cutting myself/dieing. I don't want to cut myself. But if the pain helps the stress, why not? I have people that love me though and I don't want to disappoint them. Fear number 3 cause sing my friends to get hurt. What i was the reason of their pain or their death? I don't ever want to hurt my. Friends. Ever . I mean no one would. But the fact that me and Alexa will be with each other than even longer than a normal human life I have more chances to hurt her.

Thoughts like these flooded my mind for the rest of the night. I couldn't sleep. What ifs kept popping in my head. Oh the horror!

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Short and confusing chapter! Sorry guys If you hated it. I'm really starting to add more emotion. Behind it besides love. I'm trying to add some Ynobe magic in the next chapter!