Growing up (Get Scared Fanfic)

'I have no soul'

Nick's Pov.

Why am I so screwed up? No wonder I only have one friend, all I ever do is push people away and hurt them. Why can't I just be normal? I mean Brad said he has anxiety, but yet he can still function and socialize without making a wrong move. I hate the fact that when people talk to me I just shut down. 

I sat beside my bed, hugging my knees and resting my head on them. One thing is running through my mind and that is taking the blade out of my sharpener. I had the pencil sharpener in my right hand, debating whether I should or not. If I do, I can control the pain, I can say whether I hurt or not. I can mask my feelings with physical pain. But if I don't, I won't have to make the effort of hiding the scars. I won't have much to get addicted to, so it won't be an issue in the future, assuming I have one...Probably not. Yes or no? Do I cut or not? What does my court of demons say? They vote yes.

I found a small screw driver in my drawer. I'm not sure how it got there, or why, but it's good. I began unscrewing the screw holding the blade in place, until it came out. The blade dropped down, making a clanking sound on the wooden floor. I panicked, the last thing I want is for my mom to hear that too. I picked up the small metal blade, staring at it intensely for a moment. Am I really going to do this? I once again debated with myself. The speck of self respect I had left kept pleading not to, but the self loathing me begged to. Majority rules, doesn't it?

I slid it across my wrist. No blood came out. That didn't even hurt. Frustrated I did it again, this time pushing down harder. Dark red gushed out. I made another slash, then another, and another. Blood dripped to the floor. I got up and ran into the bathroom for a towel. As quietly as I could, I washed away the blood. After I did, I patted my arm with my towel. Crap! I'm still bleeding and it's getting on the damn towel. I put my wrist under the running water again. I turned off the faucet. I placed my right hand over the cuts to see if I was still bleeding; I wasn't. I dried my arm, then got a bunch of toilet paper to clean up the mess I had made in my room. 

The next morning, I went straight for my tree house. I made sure to have a jacket on, just in case I ran in to my parents. I climbed up the steps and opened the hatch. I saw someone inside. I almost fell, but I held on to the edge. 

"Sorry Nick!" He yelled out, "I didn't mean to scare you."

I climbed in to safety. "It's fine."

Bradley looked at me, with concern, but then smiled. "How are you today?"

"Fantastic." i sarcastically answered. 

"What's wrong?"

"Life" I said.

"Do you think that next weekend you could come to my house?" He asked, "My friends want to come swim in my pool and I want you to come to."

What do I say? I can't run around with short sleeves, no shirt is out of the question. But how do I get out of this invite without sounding rude. "I don't know, dude. I'm not to big on parties."

"It's not a party. It's just like 4 of my friends."

"Same difference." I replied, "I just I don't want to be social right now." He sat and stared at me for a few seconds. "I'm just insecure I guess. I'm not comfortable around too many people."

"Insecure? But Nicholas.. you're a beautiful man." he deadpanned. I gave him a weird look as a response. "It's 4 people Nick."

"4 people is all it takes to make me uncomfortable. And it's 5, counting you. Plus your parents, that'd be 7." I corrected.

"Stop over thinking. It'll be fine." he told me.

"No" 

"Just no. That's your answer? No?" He teased. 

"Yes. I just don't want to go swimming. If we were just hanging around, maybe I'd consider it."

"Do you not know how to swim?" he asked, confused.

"I do. I just prefer having a shirt on and being inside." i explained.

"Then why do you come out here, to the woods so much?" he questioned, "Is there something you're trying to hide?" 

Yes, I literally slaughtered my wrist last night. "No"

"Please Nick" he begged like a little kid, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Stop. That won't work  on me. I have no soul" I laughed.

"Fine. Well then you're sleeping over at my house then." he stated.

"Why?"

"So we can have pillow fights and talk about boys." he said in a girlish voice.

"Deal" We both laughed. "when do you want me to sleep over or whatever?"

"Tonight"

"Okay, I'll just ask my mom. It'll probably be a yes so." I said.

I did like I said I would, and asked my mom. And like I said, she said it was okay. I grabbed my backpack and stuffed some clothes in it, before heading out. I walked two houses down then realized that I'm not really sure which house is his. Brad always comes to my house, so I don't know what his looks like. I know it's a few house down from mine but, how many did he say it was? I tried to look in through windows to see if I would see him. The house I stood in front of had a instruments near the window, including a bass guitar. I hope this is the right house.

I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. Luckily Brad opened the door.

"Thank God this is the right house." I laughed.

"Yeah I realized I hadn't really given you my address before."