Growing up (Get Scared Fanfic)

Courtney

Nick's Pov

The next day at school,  I sat under a tree before first period. This tree is really good at bring back awful memories, but it's the only place not surrounded by people. It's kind of cold out here, but I hate going inside; it's too loud and crowded. I was still trying to finish the song from yesterday, but as soon as I saw Bradley, I quickly closed my journal, hoping he wouldn't notice. He put his backpack down, then sat in front of me.

"How's it going?" He asked with a smile.

Terrible, I stayed alive for you. Now I have deal with all this bull crap again. "Good." I lied.

"What were you writing?" He asked.

Dammit he saw me. Do I tell him the truth or do i lie and say it was an English essay. He's in my English class and we don't have an essay, why would he ever believe that? Just say the truth.

"A song" i muttered, not looking at him.

"Cool. Can I see?" he reached for the notebook as if I had said yes. I pulled it away and hugged it. "I take that as a 'no'"

"Sorry" i said, quietly,"It's not finished."

"Can I see what you have so far?" he asked, with puppy dog eyes. Why does he want to see it so badly? Does he want to read it, make fun of how bad it is, then tell his friends about how bad it is? Does he want to just grab a hold of my journal then make a run for it? Or tear it up in front of me?

"Why?" i asked.

"So we make instrumentals for it." he answered. "And so i can help you finish it, if you want me to i mean."

That was not what I was expecting for him to say. What if he's lying? Whatever. I'm gonna have to start trusting him, if i'm gonna be in a band with him. "Fine" I flipped it to the right page and handed it to him. "It's not that good, but i tried"

"I'm sure it's great" he grinned. He sat reading the small portion of the song I had completed. I bet he can't even read my handwriting. I bet I spelled half the words wrong too. He's gonna think  I'm stupid. Sorry, Know  I'm stupid. 

Brad's Pov.

As i sat reading off of Nick's journal, I realized who this song was about. Poor Guy. I remember the day after she killed herself so vividly. Nick broke down when they announced it in our Science class, but i bet he had already known about it. He bolted out of the classroom and went outside to sit.... Where he is right now. They sent him home, so he could have time to grieve. Her name was Courtney Jaeger. She had dark brown hair and would wear black and neon almost everyday. She was really nice to everyone. I had talked to her a few times for school purposes, but I never knew too much about her; all I knew were her favorite bands, movies and that she liked to sing. It was sad when she committed suicide, but i wasn't that affected by it, since we never got that close. Nick didn't go to school for about a week. I regret never trying to be his friend until now. I could tell he needed someone to go to, but I still didn't do anything. I let a year pass by before I talked to him, why?

Nick was looking down, drawing on the dirt with a stick. He looks sad. I should say something. "You ok?"

He looked up. He was probably lost in his own train of thoughts. "Sorry what?"

"You seem sad. Are you ok?" i repeated.

"Umm... Yeah. I was .. uh. Just thinking" He answered. "Are you done reading it?"

"Yeah.. It's really good. Very heartfelt." I answered. Don't change the subject, Nick. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes.. I am a-ok." he replied. That wasn't very convincing. "Just give me back my journal"

I handed him his journal. "You know, it's ok if you talk to me"

"There's nothing to talk about." He said, " I'm fine."

Nick's Pov.

Why does he sound like a therapist? Get it through your thick skull; I'm ok! Why can't you just leave it at that, I don't need your pity.

"So Courtney was one of your friends?" he asked. Hearing her name triggered something in me. I felt my eyes water, along with that weird feeling in my nose i get when i'm about to cry. I turned away from Brad, so he wouldn't see my face. A tear slipped. I immediately rubbed it off with the sleeve of my jacket. You just had to ask. What did I expect? It's a song about a girl who killed herself and left the school in shock. "I'm- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to"

"It's fine. I'm alright" I lied. I unzipped my backpack to shove my journal in it. I was just about to get it up when he said something that I didn't understand. "What?"

"I'm sorry... about what you had to go through" he said for the second time, this time i could understand him. I didn't know what to say. "If you need someone to talk to or to just be there when you feel down, i'll be here for you." Did he just say that?

I flashed back to a little over a year ago.

"I just can't take it, Courtney" I mumbled.

"It's ok. I know what it feels like to be bullied. I understand." she replied, rubbing my back. Her touch is comforting.

"I don't even get why you get made fun of." I stated, "You're so nice and pretty and talented. I actually deserve it. I'm ugly, stupid and can't do anything besides take up space money and oxygen."

"Don't say that!" she snapped. "You are not a waste of space!" I didn't say anything. If I agree with her, I'd be lying. If I tell her she's a liar, she'll keep arguing with me.

"I just feel so alone right now"

"If you need someone to talk to or to just be there for you when you're down, I'll be here for you" she said, hugging me. I looked over to her, realizing that I don't have a perfect memory of her face. I don't remember her voice either. What the hell is wrong with me? How could i forget such things when I saw her every day and talked to her everyday? She lied... She said she would be here for me. But where is she now. Don't think like that! Don't be a selfish fuck.

"Nick?" I snapped back into reality. How long had i been zoned out. Am i crying?

"I'm ok. I swear. I just... " I trailed of, not knowing what my lie should be.

"You just what" he questioned.

"Nothing." I answered, hoping he would just drop the topic.

"Let's change the topic, shall we" he proposed.

"Thank you"

"Ummm... Do you wanna hang out later?" He asked, "Like outside of school."

"Sure, why not?"