𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌

a dam against my thoughts

 waking to some half sober thoughts
they are dipped in sadness
and yet it is filled with such contentment

there is a lot of stress that comes when you don't answer my messages
i think you deserved the world like everyone else but all you had was me
and still we stood together on a printed carpet waiting for a solution

maybe i should've cared
but i didn't expect a thing
whether i was there with you
or alone in the corner of the movie theater watching the movie we had snuck into

it didn't matter to me
the constant reminder of you beside me
and how you always begged for reassurance
you seemed so simple functioning

and i could understand the appeal of you
the persistent need of help
it didn't mean that much to me

i thought that when you invited them we wouldn't get along
that i could not comfortably talk to all of them
but instead i was the odd one out
all of you were in the same chorus class
i found it hard
sometimes i was fifth wheel
yet i was still happy to be there
because he was tall just like you
i found comfort in being in his presence
even though making direct eye contact caught me off guard
taking interest in his translucent kindness and familiarity
yet all his friends were mean
they got along easier
i don't even know why i don't feel like i'm not enough