Life Unexpected

Feelings...

The season came and went. State champs was a good way to end it. August was here and school was almost here again. After this summer, after some things had happened, I could feel all of my feelings for Corie come back. I needed to end this once and for all. At least this time we wouldn't ever have to see each other again. 

It was the last day of the pool being opened and I had decided to cover for a coworker. The night before I had told Corie that the feelings were coming back and that I needed space. We hadn't talked since, she was respectful of what I needed and didn't text me. That is until 11 when she decided to text me, asking if the pool was open that day. I didn't text her back right away, I couldn't. I was frozen in place, staring at my phone. Emma, one of the other lifeguards, asked if I was okay. I just walked into the bathroom and sat on the bench. Emma walked in, and by that time I was tearing up. I don't know why one text from her hurt me so much. Emma was really cool and eventually I pulled myself together and walked back out onto the pool deck to have lunch with the rest of the staff. Afterwards, I texted her back and opened up the doors to start the last day I would be at this place that I had grown to love. 

The day was dragging on and eventually I was done with my final shift. I decided to cool off by swimming with a couple of younger girls who begged me to swim with them. While in the middle of the water game, I look at the doors leading onto the pool deck and see none other than Corie Gleason. This was the last person I wanted to see at the moment. The younger girls, who knew Corie WAY longer than I have, asked her to come swim with us. In my head I was begging her to say no, but she just had to say yes. I was rude. I wouldn't look at her, be next to her, or be alone with her. I saw how crushed she was and I didn't care. For the first time in forever, I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to hurt like she hurt me. I know it wasn't right; wanting her to feel what she unintentionally made me feel. 

After the pool had closed and I had some time to think, I knew I was ready to let her go. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't get hurt over and over and over again. But I knew that she deserved that talk face to face. So I texted her and I asked her to come over to my house the next day so that I could tell her my decision. And so she did..

She showed up at my house and I was scared out of my mind. How was I going to tell the girl that I had been in love, that I was ready to end it all. Well, I didn't. She walked into my house and sat on my bed and I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I looked at her face and I couldn't think. There is something about her that makes no sense. I told her that the feelings were for sure gone. I told her that there was no way I could love her the same way again because she hurt me so much. And I meant it that time. She really hurt me and I thought that there was no way I could ever forgive her. But I did, later that day actually. I saw her smile, heard her laugh, and that is when I knew that I was going to take this love to my grave. But I would never tell her again...