Life Unexpected

Stay.

*This part of the story is a lot in one place, so bare with me*

Lets start with the beginning of October. It was my Sophomore year and homecoming was coming up. I decided that I was going to invite Corie because nothing was fun without her, not even homecoming. I decided to be cute and taped a note, that said HC?, to a bag of sour patch kids. Since they were our favorite candy. I gave it to her after one of her high school softball games. She said that of course she would go, and the butterflies in my stomach were released. 

Corie came over the day of the dance to get ready at my house. She was wearing this blue dress that hugged her body in all the right places. Her hair was flowing, framing her face perfectly. She was gorgeous. She looks amazing without any make up on, but DAMN. We eventually left for dance and had a blast. We danced the night away and it all went by so fast. Before I knew it, we were at my house, laying on my bed, talking the rest of the night away. We talked about life, love, happiness, family, religion, and so much more. I couldn't get over the way this girl talked about deep topics. I could feel myself falling more and more in love with her. I could feel myself loading a gun, giving it to her, and hoping she doesn't pull the trigger. 

Soon enough it was December 26th, a day after Christmas. I went over to Corie's house and we exchanged presents. I spent the night and, once again, we stayed up until dawn talking about anything and everything. I remember that, at one point, we laid there in complete silence, in the dark. It was an oddly comfortable silence. I tried to look for her face in the darkness, and I could make out the general silhouette of her face. I just laid there and stared at her because even though I couldn't see her all the way, I was drawn in by her beauty. And in that partial darkness, the only light coming from the small window above us, I knew that I couldn't hide what I felt any longer.

I went home with one thing in my head-- What am I gonna tell her? Honestly, I lied to Corie. I lied to her about things that were stupid and I still regret telling her those lies. So after a long day of texting, I finall worked up the courage to tell her. I asked her to call me and then I told her everything I had lied about, well, almost everything. I was gonna tell her that I had lied about not having feelings for her, but I didn't think i was ready for that and I wanted to tell her face to face. And so that was the plan, face to face.

Somehow she managed to convince her parents into letting her come over the next day. We spent the whole day together and it was so mch fun. We watched movies, ate ice cream, and we talked. She kept asking me what it was that I wanted to tell her but I ust couldn't bring myself to tell her. I just kept putting it off. Then her dad came to pick her up and she was gone. And I started writing. I wish I still had the text messages, because that night was a blur of emotions. I wrote a message in my notes then took screenshots of it. It basically said that I loved everything about her and that I couldn't be friends anymore because it would be too hard. When I finally sent the pictures, I also texted "I'm sorry". As soon as I hit send, I texted a mutual friend of ours; Jordyn, otherwise known as JJ. It took Corie almost 30 minutes to text back. I was terrified, thinking she was never going to text me back and I'd be alone again (now I know that she didn't text back because she was in the shower). The only thing I remember texting was this--

"I just don't know what to do anymore..."
"Stay."

I stared blankly at my cell phone, not understanding why this girl was insisting me to stay after I had broken the one promise I had made to her. I kept telling her that I couldn't stay, that I would just hurt her, that I was no good for her. Yet here she was; telling me to stay, telling me that it didn't matter because I was what she wanted... As a friend. But I walked away from her. I texted my other best friend at the time, Maddie. I told her what had happened, she said she wuld talk to Corie. I texted JJ to tell her how Corie reacted to the news and after she had talked to Corie, she told me the same thing Maddie did. They said that this fight was stupid and we both knew it. They said that we both didn't want this friendshio to end, so why end it? I remember pressing the green phone on my phone screen. I remember my heart poundng as the phone rang. She answered and it was quiet, only this time it was tense. I remember telling her that I was sorry and that I understood if she could no longer trust me. But she still did. I remember telling her that we could still be friends, but we would need to spend less time together. And by the end of the night, we were laughing. I told her that I didn't really love her, that I thought I did and I just needed to say it to prove to mself that it was crazy. I actually thought that is what happened. I thought that the feelings went away after I said it.

We finally ended the call and I sat in the darkness on my bed. I laid down, closed my eyes, and I saw her in a dream. I saw our life together, in the future. And that's when I knew, that no matter what I continued to tell myself, I would always be in love with Corie