Runaway Cleo

Ch 9: What the Hell is it Anyway?

The minute that I ended the conversation with Cleo, I instantly regretted calling her. What was I thinking asking her if what we have is love? Of course it is.

Cleo hung up on me after a few minutes of silence and I didn't have the nerve to call her back. In no way am I going to the park today. Whatever she had planned is going to have to wait for another day. Another day closer to Cleo being gone.

I decide to head home, not really knowing why I almost let half of the mall see me cry. Once I get into the car I break down. I grip the steering wheel and weep into it.

Of course she loves you.
You're an idiot, of course she loves you.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You love her.
She loves you. Stop making it difficult.
Love.

I blink the tears away. I see the love we have in everything. The moment she knocked on my window I knew I had never lost the love I had for her. I feel my love in the way she makes me laugh and how she makes me cry. She's the only girl who has ever been able to drive me completely insane.

It begins pouring rain and I realise what I need to do, and like the idiot I am I do it. I get out of my car and run into the middle of the parking lot. My clothes are instantly drenched and I can feel my hair going into it's natural, curly form.

"I love Cleo." It starts as a whisper.

"I love Cleo." I speak a little louder.

"I love Cleo." Now it's as if I'm having a conversation.

"I love Cleo." Almost loud enough for the car nearest me to hear.

"I love Cleo." It's basically a scream.

And then finally. I did it, "I loVE CLEOPATRA LYNN EDWARDS."

I sink to my knees, defeated. Competent useless. And then I remember, she loves me too. So I pick myself up and run over to my car.

Once inside, i immediately turn on the ignition and race home. Our home.

I get to the house in record time, less than 8 minutes. I race inside and hear Cleo upstairs, What is she doing here?

"Cleo! Babe?" And that's when I hear it. She's crying.

"Cleo!!" I'm running down the hall as fast as I can. I burst through the door basically taking it off of the hinges, "Cleo."

She's on my bed with a razor and I hate the sight. Her scars are open and I begin to cry. This gorgeous being is here because of me. Why does it have to be because of me?

Tears slide down my face for the ninetieth time this week and I feel bad for myself. I soon realise Cleo is here, alone. I race to my connected bathroom and wet paper towels for the wounds. I push inside the bedroom and gently place it down. She winces but continues to sob.

I look at her, the love of my young life. And i begin to tear up. She's so weak and in this moment all she needs is me. All I need is her.

Making sure the towel is still in place, I wrap my other arm around her waist and pull her onto my lap. She puts her head into my chest and I let her cry all over me. I continuously kiss her hair that smells of strawberries and orange and just say sorry under my breath for the longest time.

"Chris," she chokes out, "Chris, love. What the hell is it?" And then she sleeps. I feel her heart beat slow and the tears stop. I gently pull her off and place her on the bed. Carefully, I take off the towel and begin to wrap up her scars that I caused. I'm so sorry to have cause that.

I drape a blanket over her and sit at my desk, which is close to the bed. I pull out a blank pen and paper and begin to write:
Love. What the hell is it?
What the hell is it to me?
To me love is a feeling your heart will strive endlessly for.
Love is supposed to be a never ending concept of something forever there.
Love is supposed to be unique to one person that will never leave your side
Love is supposed to be a living, breathing connection that draws two people together.
No. You can not love two people at once.
No. You can not say that you have been in love before your now relationship.
No. You can not fall out of love.
Love. what the Hell is it?
What the hell is it to me?
To me, Love is the twinkle in a persons eye after two people touch for the first time.
Love is never going to be easy to identify but it is going to be easy to detect.
There is a certain glow in that persons eye where they realize it for the first time.
People become more of themselves than what they were before.
No. Love is not easy to have.
But if you truly do love someone it is going to be forever easy to keep,
forever easy to motivate and leave alone if the need be.
Love. What the hell is it?
What the hell is it to me?
To me, Love is and will always become what you want it to be.
For love is comfort and peace on a dark winters night.
It is the passing of joy between two people when laughing becomes sparse.
Love is nothing and everything a couple needs all at the same time.
Because love is a beast that just wants to watch you bleed.
Love is a creature that wants to see you thrive for a life.
That thing called love is a gleam of hope inside of many peoples eyes.
Love. What the hell is it?
What the Hell is it to me?
Love is a furious waterfall molding the rock beneath.
Love is Love.
Simple as that.
Unique, a beast, a roar, a twinkle, a peace, a creature,a hope, a light, a comfort, and a joy.
So i ask you one final time, Love. What the Hell is it?
and i will answer it as simply as this
Love. Is. Love. What else could it possibly be?

I write it for Cleo. She needs it. I fold it in half, write her name on it, and leave it on the bedside table. She'll see it when she wakes up I hope.

I walk out of the room and head upstairs to my moms bedroom. She isn't home again and I'm grateful, I don't want to sleep with Cleo right now. I need her to have some space.

The moment my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep, with only the hopes and dreams of tomorrow lacing through my head.