All the Notes I'll Never Leave

It is very likely...- An Open Letter He Will Never See

It's hard to separate you from my anxiety.
I can never be as peaceful as I want to be.
On the days I shut down I can't help but feel that behind caring eyes...
I have become something lovely to despise.

I know it is a tiring thing to sit beside me when I am not there.
You may as well take a seat alongside an empty chair.
I move little save for my impulse to breath,
And I sense your anxiety as you see my energy leave.

Often it is days when your energy is too great,
When I shut down,
As my mind grows tired and refuses to contemplate.

Then there are days when my mouth will not stand still,
And the world begins to wonder if I do not need stabilizing pills.
No mountain is too high then,
I am all but shy then,
And the confusion settles in.

I die time and time again.
My smile shrivels and the darkness begins.
Then the sun shines and I can not sit still.

Looking at this is would seem,
Very likely my friend,
That I am bipolar-
And will be,
Beginning to end.