Complicated

Chapter 10: I Can Help

Pacifica's POV

I was crying. Dipper as hurt and I was just so upset. No, I was devastated!

After he had gotten hit over the head, Mabel and I carried him back to the Shack. He wouldn't wake up and I was getting worried.

What if he doesn't wake up? What if he lost his memory? What if ... if he doesn't remember who I am?

These awful thoughts crowded my mind, until Mabel called for me.

"Pacifica! Dipper's awake!!!"

She was sitting by Dipper in the attic and refused to leave his side. I was in the kitchen getting her some food.

"Coming!" I shouted back. I grabbed some food and a couple drinks and rushed upstairs. I opened the door but instantly dropped everything that I was holding.

"Dipper?" I whispered. He was sitting on his bed with his head in his knees, rocking back and forth. Mabel was whispering in his ear, trying to calm him down.

"Dipper, it's okay. I promise, Pacifica is fine," she gently rubbed his back.

"No, I saw her! It's all my fault!" He cried.

"Dipper?" I said a little louder this time. He snapped his head in the direction of my voice.

"P-Pacifica!" He jumped up and came running towards me. He engulfed me in a hug and cried even harder. I hugged him back and started to talk to him.

"Hey, Dipper? Can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked.

"Wait-" he let go of me, "H-how are you here? I saw you - you were - what?" He signed.

"Are you gonna finish any of those sentences?" I joked. He didn't seem to like that joke, though.

"You were dead," he states.

"Dipper, that was just your vision," I reassured.

"No! I saw you!" He yelled.

"Calm down, Dip," I spoke slowly. "I'm right here."

"It was all my fault," he sobbed.

"What was your fault?" I hugged him again.

"I..." he started, "I don't know."

"Then how do you know it's your faul-"

"I just know!" He yelled. "It was my fault you were dying and I could do nothing to help you!"

"Dipper?" Mabel asked with a horrified expression. "Are...are you the one who's suffering?"

He didn't say anything. He just hung his head as is he was ashamed.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he quietly said.

"Dipper, if you just tell me what's wrong I can help you," I grabbed his hands and held them tightly. He looked into my eyes and a single tear fell from his eye. "What's wrong? I can help."

He never broke eye contact. He just stared at me and calmly said, "Nothing," and walked out. That's when I knew, something more than just his vision was bothering him. Something that I couldn't help him with unless he let me in.

"Is Dipper gonna be okay?" Mabel asked with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

I couldn't lie to her. I could see it in her face; even if I did lie, she wouldn't fall for it.

"No, Mabel. He's not okay." She broke down and fell to the floor.

"W-why can't he j-just tell us what's w-wrong?" She stammered.

"I don't know," I started to cry, too. How am I supposed to help him if I don't know what's wrong?

"Let's go find him," Mabel suggested.

"Okay," I replied.

We walked downstairs but he wasn't down here either.

"He probably just needed some air," I looked at Mabel. She still looked upset.

"You know why I'm upset?" She asked.

"Why?"

"Because Dipper and I use to tell each other everything! No matter what it was, we would tell it. We kept no secrets from each other," she explained.

"Oh, Mabel, I'm so sorry."

"I just don't understand why he can't tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe he's trying to protect us," I replied.

"But why? We've been to Hell and back and he can't tell me?! What could be such a big deal that he can't trust his own twin?" She seemed offended.

"Don't take it personally, Mabel," I was trying to calm her down. "I'm sure that when he's ready, he'll tell us."

"Why aren't you upset about this?" She questioned.

"Because I trust Dipper, and I know that, if I'm patient, he'll tell me what's wrong."

"Do you really believe that?" She asked, "Or are you trying to run away from the fact that Dipper is suffering from something and you can't help him?"

"..." I stayed quiet, and pondered this for a minute.

"Is that your biggest fear, too?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"In Dipper's vision of his worst fear, it was you and you were hurt but he couldn't help you."

"So, what does this have to do with my biggest fear?"

"You have the same fear. Dipper's suffering and you can't help him. The only difference is, you won't admit it like Dipper did."

"That's not true!" I fought. "I can help him, I'm just waiting for the right time!"

"So, if now isn't the right time, then when is! Are you gonna wait until he stops eating, sleeping, and just stops taking care of himself?!" She screamed.

"No, I just wanted to wait until he tells me." I talked quieter this time.

"Fine!" Mabel stomped her foot on the ground. "He's my brother and I have to help him, but if you don't wanna help, then fine! Don't! Just do me a favor and and tell me why."

I was quiet for a minute. "Because I'm afraid," I finally said.

"Afraid of what?"

"That, no matter what I do, I won't be able to help him," I admitted.

"But, Pacifica, you'll only make it if you take the shot."

I thought about this all night while we waited for Dipper to come home.

He walked through the door around 7:30PM and went right to bed. After taking a good look at him I saw the huge bags under his eyes, his unkempt hair, and you could see that he had lost several pounds over the past few weeks.

After he left my sight I turned to Mabel. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'll help Dipper with you." She looked up at me with hope in her eyes.

"Thank you, Pacifica!!!" She gave me a huge hug. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "What changed your mind?"

"I thought about what you said earlier, and you were right. I can't help Dipper unless I try."