Complicated

Chapter 13: I Love You

Dipper's POV

Everyone's afraid of me. They think I'm gonna hurt them, but I won't. Mabel and Pacifica have also been pretty distant lately. I can't blame them though, I can be slightly unstable at times. 

I don't know what causes me to have those panic attacks, though. One minute, I'm having a normal conversation, and then the next minute I'm screaming and crying. I don't know why! I start saying something about these people, but I don't know who they are.

I've really started letting myself go. I don't have an appetite, and I don't sleep. I don't talk to many people because they're avoiding me. I only really talk to Wendy and Grunkle Stan. Sometimes I talk to Great Uncle Ford because he wants to ask me questions about how I'm feeling.

"Hey Dipper!"

"Oh, hey Wendy," I waved to the tall redhead. I was in the gift shop right now, restocking some shelves.

"How are you feeling?" She always asks me that question, but I don't really mind.

"I don't know. I-I can't explain it," I answered truthfully.

"Hey, that's alright," Wendy reassured. "We'll figure out what's going on eventually."

"Yeah..." But I wasn't really convinced.

We talked about normal stuff for a couple hours. Well, until the front door burst open and two very loud pairs of footsteps made their way to the gift shop.

"Dipper! Are you in here?" Called Pacifica.

"Yeah, over here!" I called back. Mabel came running over with Pacifica, who gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"We have something to show you," announced Mabel. Pacifica nodded along.

"Okay, what's up?" I asked. 

"Um...let's go somewhere a little more private," Pacifica mumbled.

"Okay? Sorry Wendy. Can you watch the Shack until I get back?"

"Sure, dude. No problem," Wendy smiled.

"Be right back!!" Mabel shouted as she pulled me and Pacifica upstairs.

"Woah!" I exclaimed. "Calm down! What's wrong?"

"We found something really important," trailed Pacifica.

"What do y-" I started.

"WE FOUND THIS!" Mabel yelled as loud as she possibly could.

"Be quiet!" Pacifica shushed. "Someone might hear you!"

"Sorry, but look!" Mabel shoved my journal in my face.

"Hey, my journal!"

"Shut up and read!" Mabel commanded.

I took the book out of her hands and studied the pages. Apparently, there is a special flower that makes people go insane. This is probably the reason behind my strange behavior.

"We need to find this flower," I instructed.

"We already did!" Cheered Mabel.

"What?!" I looked over towards Pacifica and she was bowing her head in shame. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?!"

"We just wanted to help. I'm sorry," Pacifica apologized.

"Why didn't you let me come?" I asked.

"We thought you would be safer if you stayed at the Shack," Mabel answered.

"Okay, let me get this straight," I started, "So, you freak out and yell at me when I try and save you, Pacifica. But, you literally just did the exact same thing to me?"

"Dipper, I was just trying to protect you," Pacifica defended.

"Protect me from what? Because to me, it seems like you're just trying to find excuses to stay away from me."

"No, that's not true," she fought.

"I trusted you, Pacifica."

"C'mon, Dipper. You know that I love you and I was just trying to help," she sighed.

"If you loved me, you would spend less time protecting me and more time thinking about what I want," I ranted.

"What do you mean, Dip?" Mabel asked.

"I mean, everybody is busy trying to find their own ways to help me. Though, nobody has sat me down and just let me talk," I explained.

"We try to talk to you, but you just push us away," Pacifica mentioned.

"No, you guys all ask me the same questions. 'Are you feeling alright?' And 'Can you just tell us what's wrong?' So, try and put yourself in my shoes and see how you would handle it because it's harder than it looks."

"Dipper, you know you can talk to us," Mabel soothed.

"And, maybe instead of trying to get me to calm down, just let me have my panic attacks," I continued.

"But you could hurt someone," Pacifica pointed out.

"Yeah but I could also say something useful that could be a clue."

They looked at me like I was crazy. But, after a couple of minutes, I could see realization written across their faces.

"Like I said, you guys really need to sit me down and just let me talk," I finished. They were silent once again, so I decided to walk away.

"Wait-" Pacifica called out.

"No, I'm still furious at you for being such a hypocrite." And, on that note I continued to walk away.

"But, I'm sorry. You can't just walk away like that, I'm your girlfriend. I...I love you."

I left and went into a more private room. I took out my journal and turned to the page that talked about the Insanis Flower. I should probably take a closer look at this. It could be the cause of all the weird stuff going on.

I felt kinda bad for freaking out at Pacifica, but at the same time I don't. I mean, she made a big deal when I protected her, so why does she think she can protect me?

I'm not going to completely overreact and break up with her, though. I just think that we need a little break. We just need to give each other some space. I need to think some things over.

I don't want her to be afraid of me. I want her to trust me and feel safe around me. We need to work together if we are going to uncover this mystery.

"Ugh! Girls are so complicated!!!" I murmured out of frustration.

"Hey, man. Don't stress over any of that stuff," Said a familiar voice.

"Oh, hey Wendy," I sighed.

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked.

"About Pacifica?" I questioned and she nodded. "No, I don't want to drag you into all of this. It's pretty complicated."

"You sure? I might be able to help," Wendy offered.

"It's okay. We'll work it out, but thanks," I thanked.

"No problem."

Wendy has been one of the only people who aren't avoiding me. Now that I think about it, the less time Pacifica spends with me, the more time Wendy does. That's...weird.