Birth From The Waist

Chapter 21

Sitting down, cozed up in my bedroom, my feet placed on the bed, the irresistible feel of Egyptian cotton with flesh was remarkable, an almost undeniable and pleasurable experience. I look out upon what we marked and described as civilization, a society. People driving, people walking, people going about their everyday lives.

From the exterior they may seem to cover up their life with some sort of facade, but interestingly, it is the deep emotion, the fear, the effects of people and our environment that effect us the most. The eyes are the windows to soul, correct? Incorrect? How about both?

The one thing I have discovered about myself is that people never seem to be empathising with what I’m feeling, they never see things in the way I see them. This is everyone. We honestly do not care about the lives of others surrounding us, it is the selfishness that drives us into our stances that we seem to adopt some kind of character that is distressed and desolated from the general’s eye. In simple terms, there are those that reveal their emotion, but to a certain degree and then there are those that keep everything locked away in the black chest creating a synergy between their mentality and course of life.

There sits a female on the bench, no younger than twenty five. Every day she repeats this strenuous regime, comes, sits and contemplates. Other days she is happily walking with her loves, her partner. Alone? Why? That is the question! She seeks refuge away from everyone, from people, from society and yearns protection in herself, a place where she doesn’t need to share. One can see her daily and think she was a happy women, her smile, her blonde-locks waving as she struts her way down the road, no shame, no disgrace, no discrepancy, little do we know the ache and torture she lives through daily, she’s hindering behind a mask.

People may seem normal, people may seem dull or even interesting, but no one really knows each other well, there are some secrets that we have kept hidden, some facts that are not positive. It is this notion that allows one to not judge another, but likewise, judge them as well. That person may look very innocent, yet may be some kind of sick person, he may be a rapist, a murder, a sex addict, a drug addict, an abuser, unconfident, uneducated, educated, mistreated, homeless, rich, poor, twisted, sick, cultural, innocent. It is these words that shape the concept of our true selves, society is made up of different people, we are not a utopia, but more or less a dystopia. We live in an area where we feel pleasure when others feel loss, we as people are not normal, no one is, and that in turn is what makes us humans, what makes unique, uneven or unequal for that matter. We are people of different cultures, religions, concepts, ideas, lifestyles, interests; with the combinations of these, new people are born differently from the others, some are born to fit society completely, some partially, and some that do not complement the environment at all. We are different, different in a positive and negative manner. Nature seeks a balance.

Everyone has a dark side, some more concentrated than others, it has lead to an affect that has differentiated them completely to the social par. It is safe to say, that all people are not convention, not normal, and this is that basis of society, our yearning to belong is characterised by our conformation to the conformation of others, in reality it is a big lie! We have our goals, our agenda that we share, that we aim to complete, but what we really don’t understand or take for granted it the extent of how much people differ from each other, in relation to abnormality.

I look back and reflect on moments in my life, this is essentially the most valuable in terms of relating and reminiscing about the past. The positive aspects in life are most important since they permit us to progress forward rather than backwards. It is the notion of driving forwards that leads us ultimately into different forks, different choices, and different experiences. Whether or not we choose the correct path, it is completely up to us, up to our abnormalities and whether we attract more predicaments and negative situations. Life is a path, consisting mostly of negative energy, our goal is to distinguish this energy and walk into the light. Question is, how do we do this when the candle is almost burnt out?

I close the curtain. That was enough scrutiny for a day, I walk over to the switch in my room, do I turn it on, illuminating my room, my life? Or do I live it off hoping I could enjoy the pleasures of the dark night? Time is ticking, valuable seconds running. Life is too short.