so if you're madison p, you know i recently went through a tough time where i didn't know what to believe about a guy. yes you read right. a guy. totally new for me. so anyway, there's this guy who i know and actually kinda liked him. kinda. and so we talked and talked and became very close. but then, a few days ago, i get a message from my good friend rachel about said guy. basically saying to not believe everything he said cause he did that to a bunch of other people and that he lies, but he's a good friend. he actually made me happy and now i'm hearing things, from a really good friend may i add who i trust completely, that not all of it was real. i had also seen things that were dodgy too. for once in my life i found someone i actually had a "connection" with and it's being torn apart. well not really but you catch my drift. i've been tearing myself up over it. should i text him? should i wait for him to text me? oh and have i mentioned: he has a girlfriend. yet he still tells me he "loves me". again, dodgy. i cant function while not knowing what's happening. y'all know that i get really fucking paranoid so this is crazy. i don't know what to say i don't know what to do. but it's made me realize that i am capable of feeling things toward people. not love per-say but still feelings. and. i. hate. it. maybe i just need to find someone, maybe like a boyfriend or just a best friend. i don't know. but what i do know is that i can't trust him no mater how much i want to and i'm killing myself over it. i wish i could go back to how things were at first when we just talked and were just friends. but i can't just say that because technically there were no labels and shit so.... i just. i cant deal and can't stop thinking about it. i don't want to lose him but i don't want to imply that there was anything more. what do i doooooooo?
other: ok so i've been thinking about not playing soccer and trying dance??? but idk how to tell everyone help (i'll prolly make another chapter bout that some other time)
