Love Prevails (Kris Bryant)

48| On My Mind

Kris

This has been the longest stretch of away games in my life. McKenzie has been under the weather and Kayla and my parents have been fighting a fever for two days now. She's been fussy and grabbing at her ears, if I was there I would probably be freaking out too. If it doesn't get any better sometime soon they have to take her back the hospital and we really didn't want to do that.

I sit in LA on the computer trying to read up what happens when a newborn gets sick. She was two months and hasn't built up a immune system yet so even a little cold can be extremely dangerous. I know they're back home doing everything to make sure she was okay but I still worry. Going through the internet wasn't the best idea because all the stories that are up there so I close my laptop and let out a breath. My phone rings and I see it's McKayla, that's weird because I always call her.

"What's up" I answer.

"Kris" she asks with a shaky voice. I can tell she's been crying and the sound of her being so weak kills me.

"Baby what's wrong" I ask trying to keep it together.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I know it's just a cold but she never stops crying, I know she feels like shit and there's nothing I can do" she explains.

"Just be there for her. She loves the sound of your voice and when you hold her close. Kinda like me" I joke and she giggles a little.

"Kris I'm serious. Your mom says this is a blessing in disguise so she can build up some immunity but I hate knowing she's in pain."

"I know Kayla, but there's nothing we can do. Just keep her close. If it doesn't get better or gets worse take her to the hospital. They won't be mad because you're being a caring mother. Just... stay on the line with me."

"Kris I need you. I need to kiss you and for you to tell me everything will be okay."

"Everything will be okay baby. Thats our daughter were talking about. She's got fighting in her, she's got your heart and my brain. It's going to be hard but I promise you guys will be okay. Are you by her?"

"Yeah. She's finally stopped crying."

"Put me on speaker phone."

"Okay."

"You girls are the best things to ever happen to me. Not a World Series or MVP with ever top the happiness and purpose you guys bring me. When I'm 50 and can't play anymore it's going to be you guys by me, not baseball. I can't tell you what the future brings because it's unwritten. But with you guys and a pen full of ink I know we're going to write quite the story. Sometimes we won't like what happens, but we can't erase it. But we can write a new chapter to make sure it's all worth it. We've already had so many great memories together and there's so many more to make. Don't let go of a good future because the present makes it hard to hold on to. Remember to shoot for the stars, and if you miss you'll land among the clouds" I finish. I hear sniffling a shuffling before her sweet voice fills my head once again.

"She was smiling" she says and I smile myself.

"Really" I ask.

"Yeah, the whole time. And I smiled for the first time in a long time too" she admits.

"I'm always here for you. Even when I'm not there... I'm always there. You reflect the best parts of me" I remind her.

"So all of you" she reiterates.

"You're cute" I comment and she giggles. We stay on the phone for two hours before McKenzie wakes up and she had to change her. I look in my suitcase for my pregame things and find a envelope in there. Like the one I found when she was hurt it had my name in cursive on the front. I sit on the bed then read it.

"Dear Breezy,

What's up baby daddy? Right now I'm doing laundry and waiting for you to get home from a game. It won't be long until I join you then we can tear shit up together like always. But until then I can wait a few hours until you get home. I waited five years, a few more hours won't hurt.

Right now I'm playing with McKenzie on the floor trying to convince her that just because something is down here, it doesn't mean it has to go in her mouth. Not a hard concept but she's under-achieving right now. We're going to have a stern potty mouth talk later.

Want to know my favorite thing about McKenzie? It's her eyes, they look at me the same way you do. Like no matter what I do you guys will always love me. Like you wouldn't mind life if I was the only thing you guys could look at. I look into her eyes and they look not at me, but through me. Sure she probably just wants to know when she can suck in my boob some more but it's more than that. She sees what you see through the same eyes right now.

It's pretty cool she giggles now because I feel like I'm actually funny. Sure she doesn't know what I'm saying but she's still laughing so I'm counting it. The other day Anthony was playing peek-a-boo with her and she looked like she was having the time of her life, which she probably was. She's not even two months old yet.

Anyway, like any of these notes there's no real purpose. But I realize that there is no purpose to most things in life. I didn't have to fall in love with you but I did. I don't have to write these but I always feel like I need to. I won't have to remind you every hour that I love you but I probably will. In a life full of unexpected and unnecessary, you're my favorite purpose. I look around at this life we made and I can't explain why it's so great, it doesn't make much sense. But just because I can't explain it doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. It's the mystery the keeps us so close. We know each other like the back of our hands but always find ways to keep things interesting, that's pretty cool.

I'll let you go play baseball and make America proud and such. But I want you to know that I'm always thinking about you. Every second of every day I'm thinking about you. I hope you think of me too.

-Love Always, Big Mac"

I clear off the tears that have fallen on my face and fold the letter back up. I'm not sure how I got I lucky but I did. Even through the rough times she's the reason I smile and I love that she feels the same way I do. She is constantly on my mind like she said. And I don't mind, I never did.