Childhood Love

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»» Mae

I sit in bed, tears skimming my face as I cry hard into my hands. I knew this would happen, I wasn't ever good enough for him. I thought I was good enough for him, I thought we had something, I thought he would be different. I guess I was wrong about everything, my parents were right, he's nothing but a jerk who doesn't like me like I thought he did.

That's what hurts the most, he doesn't care. He doesn't look at me and think of the girl he once liked, now he only sees a girl. My heart pounds in my chest. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! I scream in my head, only making the tears fall more heavily. My mind feels like a slideshow as it keeps passing through each special moment with him rapidly, only giving me a second to react to the situation. But no matter how fast they flashed before me, the hurt was still present and it aches.

Please don't leave, please don't leave, please don't leave, I kept sobbing out -

"MAE!" Madison shakes me awake with her eyes wide open in the darkness, the blue shining brilliant.

"What?!" I croak and sit up in bed with her arms on my shoulders.

"You were screaming in bed, I was just worried about you. I thought you got over having bad dreams." She informs.

I blush a deep pink, luckily the light has faded away from the sky and it's night out, "I thought I did too. I didn't realize I was being such a mess about it though, sorry."

"It's fine, don't you worry about it, but are you okay?" Madison wonders.

"I'll be okay Madds." I call her by her childhood nickname. All of us did call each other special names, K was for Kaitlyn, then Christina was C, and because it is Madison and Mae, our solution was to call Madison, Madds, and me, MK because my first names Mae and my middle name is Kaylee, it just suit us all well. And still to this day we call one another our nicknames.

"Did you dream about Carson?" She whispers quietly, understanding my fear and regret of that boy.

"Well - uhh . . . kinda, it was just me. But I was thinking of Carson in the dream. Like it was when I was sobbing on my bed as a younger kid and I was crying over him. It was fake, I know that, but nonetheless I still felt the old pain. I'll see him tomorrow and I have no idea as to what to do." I explain, hugging myself with my arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

"Calm down Mae, it will all be okay. Tomorrow, you will know if you're ready to talk and know each other again, but if you're not, then it's okay. There will be times when you know that you are just not ready so until you are, either ignore him or just not talk."

I nod my head slightly, intently acknowledging her words of wisdom. She's always known what to say to make me feel better.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I woke you up, you can go back to bed now." I apologize and give a small smile.

"I'm glad I could help you, and only if you're positively perfect, I don't want to leave you with nightmares again."

"I'm good, thank you though."

She grins too and stands up from the foot of the bed and walks out of my room, going back to her own. I fall back into my pillows, sighing loudly. I then close my eyes, refusing to think about Carson, and I guess it worked because soon I fell into a reckless sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, sunlight filtered through my blinds and my eyes felt heavy from my crying last night. The dream washed over me again and my heart sped up like a dart because I knew I was going to see him today. Suddenly my stomach did somersaults and I was NOT okay with that.

"C'mon Mae, wake up!" Kaitlyn yelled from the other side of my door and I groan because I don't feel like budging. But I do know for a fact if I don't move soon I'll be facing the wrath of Christina, and I definitely don't want that. So with a big gulp of air, I move from my spot and get ready for the church I missed so much but didn't at the same time.