Childhood Love

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»» Mae

"I'm pretty disappointed that you and Carson didn't hang out last night." Christina grumbles.

I shrug like it's not a big deal, "eh, I wasn't bothered too much."

"Yeah you do. I don't get it, I thought you'd be fighting for Carson back ever since you've came home, you were so convinced that y'all were meant for each other when we were younger."

I keep looking over my editors message, well, really I'm just blankly staring at the bright screen because frankly I don't want to deal with Christina and I thought she'd give up with trying to talk with me since I am "busy". Though it's obviously not working since she's still leaning against my door frame with crossed arms and that mother look on her face. The look that makes you cringe because you know you did something wrong, even if you didn't, you still feel guilty.

"Yeah, well we were all stupid back then and I was wrong. Right now I am perfectly content with how my life is. I don't feel the need to chase after a boy who isn't apart of my life anymore." I mumble and now I'm actually bothering to read the email.

Dear Ms. Carter,

So this letter will sound pretty    awful, but it needs to come out.
You are an amazing author and your novels have sold like
crazy over the years, but there is now a problem. Readers are
loving your adventures and the magic stored inside of each
book, but people believe that you are not expanding your
talent to as far as your able to reach. They keep telling
everyone you are not venturing further into other genres.
Most people have requested and I think you've already
commented to me about how you are getting a ton of letters
and emails from readers saying they'd love to hear your
perspective on a young love story. If you could at least
consider this idea, I would surely appreciate it. Now with that
secret out in the open, I will like to hear from you about a
story plot for an upcoming novel. Hopefully you'll have your
mind set on a goal that's farther than just adventures. Please
contact me by September tenth, thank you, have a nice day
now.

"I see how it is, you don't want to get hurt again." Christian keeps talking even though I'm barely hearing her.

"Christina, I don't want to talk right now. Okay? I have to work on a story." I finally look up to her and she now looks bored by the story thing.

"Fine, I've got to go call my manager anyways." She sighs and walks away from me, allowing me to breath without the feeling of insecurity.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christina, but sometimes she can be suffocating about things I really don't want to talk about at the moment. She has the habit of picking the worse times to discuss things I seriously don't want to chat about, it's an amazing power she has.

I stand up from my position on the bed and stretch my legs by bending low to the ground and letting my fingertips brush up against the carpet. I close my eyes, feeling the rush of my leg muscles loosening quickly.

I decide to put on some music while I start to brainstorm on new ideas for my romance novel. That's what everyone wants, right? I turn on my music app on my phone and stuff my ear buds in my ears. Something about earphones that I love is the fact that you can practically drown out everything around you and let the rhythm of a song conceal you from the bad.

I drum my pen on the desk as a tropical song picks up my heavy mood. Even when I was younger, I never needed inspiration on a story. I'd have short stories that I'd randomly make up in class and just doodle on a slip of notebook paper when I'm supposed to be doing 'x' solves for whatever. So when I became an author, enveloping myself in a routine of writing came to me as easy as breathing. It's second nature to me to bring a fake character to life with only words. I remember my fifth grade teacher (my favorite teacher of all time I must say) used to always say, "create a picture with words", it's been engrained in my brain ever since then. And when I became a writer, I knew that sooner or later people would start questioning why I haven't done a romance novel because everyone loves a good love story. It's just hard for me, love hasn't ever been an easy subject.

Back in junior high, everyone was laughing at me for being so hurt over a boy that apparently shouldn't have meant that much to me. But they didn't realize that he was more than just the boy I liked, he was one of my ultimate best friends and losing him like that created a hole in my heart and that's hard to recover from.

Suddenly a familiar beat started playing and it rolls me out of my thoughts. The lyrics begin to play and I sit in my chair in complete shock.

That song.

"Can I tell you something?" He asks me, his eyes glittering with enthusiasm.

"Of course." I reply.

"I can't stop listening to that song."

My heart races and it's hard to breath suddenly. Did Carson Dagger just say what I thought? Does he mean he can't stop listening to the song that makes me think of how much we like each other? The same song that seems too unreal that it's actually real in our case?

"Really?!" I squeak in delight, and I can feel a slight blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Yeah, it reminds me so much of us, it's amazing."

I smile right up at his face with confidence now, "I know exactly what you mean."

I fight off tears in my eyes. Carson was mine at the start of our lives. Since we were nine at the baseball fields hanging out, he liked me. When we got caught on the dock and got in major trouble, he liked me. Even when I could make the biggest fool out of myself he liked me. Then when a girl came prancing into his life, I was thrown out of the picture in a flash.

Everything between that summer meant so much to me and it went by so fast, but it crumbled even quicker. I can't believe I ever thought that we could've had a chance, I can't believe I was foolish enough to think that he'd actually love me forever.

I jam my pen down onto the paper, splattering ink into a big blob on the sheet. I can't help but let the tears flow down my cheek, if anyone were to walk in on me right now, they'd be probably choking me on questions. Then I'd spill out everything I've been swallowing down for so long. I'd break. I hate being weak.

If they knew that the entire thing went down because of me, I'd be in so much trouble with everyone, I'd be too overwhelmed in chaos. Questions would fly around crazily, the shock radiating off of everybody would heat the room in an instant, and what scares me most is the look I would receive from each person. Anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, all those and probably more.

The song passes and I finally suck in some air and continue to push my brain into thinking of an idea for a love story. Forcing myself to avoid the thought of Carson and how one break changed my entire life.

~ I really hope that this chapter is better than the last because this one is one of my favorites! Okay, so today I gave you a song above and I am fully aware this song was not published in 2006, but I still like the song and it fits really well to the story, so use your imagination!;) anyways, love you guys<3 and please keep reading and commenting!