I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

Clarity

"Cas," Casey whispered, her eyes starting to fill again. "Cas, I can't stop. I can't stop this. I've tried so many times but it never seems to work. I always run back to it." Her brothers could obviously hear too, but it helped her to think she was only talking to one person. "I can't stop."

Castiel could hear the desperation in her voice and he felt a pang in his chest. He didn't understand very well. Why couldn't she just not do it? All somebody would have to do is put down whatever they were going to use and do something else- how was that so difficult? He wanted to ask, but he could tell from the hopelessness in her eye it wasn't that simple. "Why don't you talk to somebody when you feel the need to hurt yourself? You can always pray and I will come if I'm available," he suggested. That seemed like a sufficient sentiment. It didn't sound like he was being heartless. Cas wasn't heartless by any means, he just had difficulty understanding and returning affections to his loved ones. He loved Casey. He thought she was kind and he liked how their nicknames were similar and how their full names had the same number of syllables in them. She brought joy with her when she walked into the room, even during the apocalypse she could manage to ease tension with her natural purity. Castiel appreciated that about her most of all.

"I don't want to burden anybody, I guess." Casey shrugged.

"Family is never a burden. It is no burden to help someone you care about be happy. No matter how much is going on in the world, your well-being will always come first." There was no room for argument in his voice. She felt her heart swell at the fact that Castiel considered her to be his family. Family was no joke when you were a Winchester, and the fact that he saw her in that way meant the world to her. Casey looked at her brothers. Both of them nodded at her, their faces full of concern and love as well. She turned back to Castiel. His eyes were on her arm and the blood stains that were ruining her pajamas. He looked back at her face. "May I please see your arm?"

Casey felt her cheeks heat up and she knew without looking in a mirror that they were fire-engine red. "They're really bad, Castiel," she mumbled.

"I assumed. I know you called me because the stitches hurt too much. That's okay. I don't think I would like that either. I can fix this without any pain, if you'd like?" His blue eyes were kind. Soft, with an otherworldly knowing about them. He may not have understood, but, having seen what he'd seen in the world, she knew he meant no harm to her.

"Just don't be mad, okay?" The levels of vulnerability she was reaching were astounding. Never in her life would she have thought her secrets would be spilled to anyone, especially not to everyone she loved in one night. And she definitely didn't think anybody would see.

"What makes you think I'd be upset with you?" His head cocked in his signature confused-Castiel manner. The familiarity put her at ease and brought a small smile to her face. Her chest lightened with what felt like a thousand pounds as she began to realize that she had no reason to be afraid of the angel. He'd never been anything but kind to her.

"I suppose I don't really know, Cas. I've just always been afraid of this moment. Nobody was ever supposed to know. I didn't want you guys to think I was a freak," she explained, every word hitting him with a new level of understanding that was putting her at ease.

"Cassandra, I have seen the 'freaks' of the world. I have seen a million people who have cut themselves and they are no more of 'freaks' than people who brush their teeth in the shower. That's a habit I also don't understand, but it doesn't make them wrong." He said this like it was the most normal conversation in the entire world and he was only stating the obvious. To him it was obvious. Everybody had different habits. Some of those habit affected them negatively, but it didn't make them abnormal. It just meant they had something they needed to work on.