I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

It Remembers Me

Hi guys,

I'm sorry it took me so long for this next part. Depression has been kicking my ass this past week, but I'm workin' it like a champ. Also, because of that, this section is a little rough, but I'm doing my best. Thank you for your patience. I'm hoping to put up another on Thursday, so pray for me to get my shit together.

And thank you for reading!! Please comment, I love love love comments. And please vote!

And shoutout to ngc_17! I wasn't really planning on making this more than four or five sections, but this girl continuously motivates me and makes continuing this fic worth it. I love you, girl, and appreciate you supporting a random stranger on the internet who's never written a fanfiction before. Thank you so much!! <3 

 Castiel walked in from the hallway to see the two in handshake. He looked at them, puzzled.

"Dean said I can keep my curling iron!" Casey explained with a grin.

"Oh," Castiel said plainly. "I'll return that to your room then." He began to leave then halted and turned back to them. His face was intense, as if there was a very urgent matter that needed addressing. "I don't understand the purpose of a curling iron. Isn't an iron supposed to flatten something out?"

Casey's smile deepened. "Not this kind, Cas." Cas gave an affirmative nod and continued back to Casey's room again.

She turned back to her brothers who still looked exasperated. Casey was content because she was able to keep her curling iron, which she supposed wasn't that great once you remembered the whole picture. My brothers are taking away all my stuff because I self harm, but they're letting me keep my curling iron as long as I submit to body checks every other day wasn't nearly as joyful when put that way. She sat on the couch, closer to Sam this time. She felt like he needed more comfort than she did, or at least needed more comfort than she wanted, so she rested a hand on his leg. "It's gonna be okay, Sammy," she promised him, giving his knee a firm squeeze.

He rested his enormous palm on hers. "Dean and I are going to make sure of that."

Castiel reentered the room, sporting a sober look not unlike her brothers'. He looked over Casey intentionally and addressed her brothers. "Everything is cleared out." He constrained himself and looked at Casey. It hurt him to see her. Her arms covered in wounds, deep, deep wounds that she'd given herself, was cemented in his mind. He'd taken so long cleaning out her room because he'd been staring at a picture of Sam, Dean, Bobby, and her. She was smiling and wearing Bobby's hat while his arm was blurred and reaching across the photo to retrieve it. Castiel had spent several minutes sitting on her bed trying to replace the image of bloody, crying Casey with this smiling version, to no avail. He forced a smile on his face. He didn't want her to think he was upset with her. He was upset with himself. An angel of the Lord should have been able to pick up on something so serious.

"Did you tell her the new rules?" he asked coolly.

Everyone was mute for an uncomfortable period of time. Casey didn't want to think about them and Dean and Sam didn't want to bring them up right away. They wanted to keep everything as normal as possible for her. Neither of them wanted her to feel like she was on constant observation, they just want to make sure she was safe and felt supported.

Sam nodded at Castiel then spoke. "We should watch a movie. It's been a long day," Sam stood and went to a shelf with some movies on it. They didn't own a lot, and what they did own were mostly Westerns, but they couldn't hunt and they needed something to do to take their minds off what was going on. Sam began rifling through them before turning to Casey. "John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?"

Casey rolled her eyes. "Stephen King?" she asked hopefully, knowing they didn't own any already. Maybe Sam had gone to the store and taken pity on her while they were driving.

"No," Dean said definitively. He hated scary movies. Monsters and demons he could deal with. Regular human murderers stalking and killing just for fun? That freaked him out. It bugged him knowing that some people would take lives without a second glance. He thought that was more unnerving than a werewolf. Monsters were bad, but at least they had an excuse. Kind of. 

Sam shrugged. "Sorry, Case."

She sighed and stretched out into Sam's spot. "Do we have any new reading material? Or at least any money to go get some?" Casey preferred movies based on books. She always had to read the book first, but she liked seeing the movies after and double checking the consistency.

He considered for a moment. "We still have about three-hundred before we max out this card, I think. We could run to pick some up."
Dean leaned back, content enough to relax some and let go of some of the tension he'd been holding since finding out about Casey's problem. "You dorks can go book shopping. I'm gonna take a nap. I could use a little memory foam right about now." He stood and went to another shelf and pulled out a thick book. He slid a magazine out from between the pages and slyly snuck into his room, but not before Casey saw that it was a Busty Asian Beauties. She shuddered. Sometimes her brothers really disgusted her.

Sam grabbed his laptop off the coffee table. "I'm gonna look up used bookstores in the area. Do you want to start getting ready?" he suggested.

She smiled at him, excited to finally get her hands on new material. Casey decided she also wanted to take a shower. She felt like she'd been wearing pajamas for three years rather than half a day, although she did like wearing Dean's enormous shirt. Wait a minute, she'd had on Bon Jovi before. But she'd gotten blood on it. She didn't remember changing, though, which meant somebody had stripped her down. From her pajama shirt. Under which she was free-boobing. Sam had seen her in her underwear yesterday, but bare boobage was completely different, and she would just about die if either of her brothers had seen her topless. She was fifteen, well past the age where it wasn't weird, even if she was their baby sister.

"Hey, who changed my shirt last night?" she asked cautiously. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. The answer was bound to be mortifying either way. One of them had seen her though, and she wanted to know who to avoid.

Castiel cleared his throat, causing Casey to turn her head. His face was full of sheepishness. "That was me," he confessed. He'd really been hoping she'd chock it up to one of her brothers and not ask about it, but he wasn't going to lie to her and have either Sam or Dean suffer the consequences.

Casey let out a gush of relieved air. "Thank God," she sighed. "If my brothers saw me shirtless I would probably have died." Castiel seeing her shirtless wasn't ideal, but it was the lesser of two evil.

Castiel decided she didn't need to know her brothers had accidentally caught a glimpse. 

Casey left the room and Cas turned to Sam. "How did she take it?"

Sam shrugged. "She's pissed, but she won't show it. I just hope it doesn't push her away, you know? All these rules, I'd be mad too, but she can't be alone right now." He sat heavily on the couch with his computer resting in his lap. He put his head in one of his hands, silently wishing he could take a nap too, even though he knew he'd never be able to sleep. There were a million thoughts buzzing around his head, the first one being why? But Casey was counting on him to bring her to the bookstore, and he'd be damned if he let her down again. He was going to make sure she was never disappointed on his watch anymore. He would do anything to make sure she stayed clean of this addiction, so he began his online hunt.

When Casey walked into her room she could feel that it was different. Everything was in exactly the correct place, but she felt empty knowing that all her private weapons were gone. She searched the dresser and her closet. All of her make up bags and her few other possessions. She felt her cheeks redden in shame when she realized the razor blades she'd taped underneath her bed were missing too. There was no other reason for a hunter to have blades like that. Sam and Dean sure didn't own any. Casey felt naked when she realized Cas had taken her gun too. She knew she most likely wouldn't need one, the bunker was monster proof, but she always kept one under her pillow just in case. If Castiel could flit in and out of the bunker as he pleased, so could other angels. And other angels were dicks. A regular gun couldn't kill one, but it would be harder for an angel to walk with blown out kneecaps.