Mi Sueño

I Fear

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“As I choose… sudden rush of fear comes rushing too fast that I couldn’t control. That I fear neither to stop nor to face it straight. But when I saw her eyes, my fears became my strength. That starts my journey to love more than I ever expected…”

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Before, I fear of facing the truth. But as the time goes by my fears changes, and it turns out to be a fear of losing her. Losing the woman that I love so much… *sighs deeply*

I remember one thing from the past when I saw her standing in front of me when she opens their front door, looking so pale and weak. I got scared and worried too much so I took care of her back there.

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“I’ll cook something for you.” I said and didn’t let her speak and since that she’s too weak to argue so she just let me in.

Then she just let me prepared all the ingredients that I would need to cook though at first she refuses it but I forcefully didn’t allow her to stop me. So, I suggested to her that she’ll need to go back to her room and rest for a while since I’m not done cooking.

So I help her to stand and brought her to her room, and as I held her to my arms and near to my heart. That’s the first time my world stops moving. While my heart starts to move too fast that I couldn’t hardly hear. But all I could do is to stop my self to hug her so tight. I just lay her down to her bed so lightly and gently and let her rest till I done cooking.

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As I slice all the ingredients, I gave all my heart and soul to it and while cooking I make sure that it would taste good and delicious. Then afterwards, I look for bowl to put the soup on it. Then I prepared it at the tray and went up to her room…

There… I saw her sleeping so quietly and peacefully… and as I watch her silently and closely.

*silently sighs* As I watched her, I don’t have the heart to wake her up and all I want is to watch her silently and closely. But the smell of my soup wakes her up and I couldn’t stop it. So, I just smile at her and gave my best to make her feel better.

“You’ve fallen sleep so I thought that I won’t wake you up but it seems that you’ve awaken just because of the food that I cook.” I said and smile shyly.

She smiles back at me then she sat down to her bed. “I just nap that’s why I sense you so easily.” It said and stares at the tray that I holding on. “What was it?”

“Oh! This…” I sit at her side then stand the tray at her front. “I cooked chicken soup for you and I hope it would make you feel better.” I said.

She smiles at me. “Well… let me taste it and then I’ll judge it afterwards…” she said and as I look at her while she’s sipping at the soup that I prepared. My heart jumps in joy and I couldn’t stop my self not to imagine that she’ll be my wife in the future. Be with her till the end… till forever…

But my fear still lingers that made my heart aches and I hope she didn’t see it through my face. Besides, I just want her to make feel better and feel save being with me alone in their house. *sighs silently* If only I could be with her for as much as I want but I know it wasn’t right. So, I’ll just need to cherish this moment being with her and being so near with her.

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How I wish that soon my fears would be gone. And soon, I would face her straight and honestly tells what I truly feel for her. Soon…

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