can we be complete again ( sequel to can we learn to love again)

ch8

Ch8 Sweeney's POV

Closing nellies door softly i walk up the stares tired from the long day, i want to sleep but the fear i know awaits me in the form of nightmares is to much. The guards could be coming for me any moment now. I sharpen my raisers trying to keep myself awake my mind drifts to nelli all those years ago we always had a chemistry but i seldom gave into it because i had lucy, she was kind and gentle in public but she could often be harsh and judgmental when no one was around that was one of her worst faults.

18 years ago

"Ben honestly when are we going to move if we want to start a family we need more space" lucy says raising her voice a little, we tend to have the same fight over and over, she wants to move she wants more and i'm happy here.

"We don't have the money to move or the money for a child" i say for the fifth time that day i flip the sign on the shop to open hoping some customer comes to pull me away from my wife.

"I'm beginning to think you don't want a family, or me" she says sadly looking away i sigh in defeat i can't stand to see her upset like this and she knows this. I walk over to her wrapping my arms around her.

"Of course i do, i just want to give our child the best life we can and how could you say i don't want to be with you. You know i love you" i reply kissing the top of her head sweetly, we can't go on shouting seven performances of this every other day. I ts exhausting. Lucy rools her eyes moving away from me.

"I know you do but... the way she looks at you" she say moving to the big window looking out at the street it's a slightly cloudy day but there's a nice warm breeze in the air that i find relaxing.

" oh come know dearest" i say walking up behind her again. She always manages to bring Eleanor into the conversation, and although she is attractive she's married and so am i. Lucy has it in her head theres something between us, and i'll admit i find her very attractive but i would never cheat on my wife.

"Shes married lucy and so am i... happily so" i add, the happy part is only partially true lately we've been fighting more then normal about the stupidest things which normally ends up with me apologizing and trying to make amends and her manipulating me to get what she wants.

"The way she goes praiding around in those sluty dresses of hers and her dark makeup, it's revolting" she hissed looking out the window we shee eleanor wiping off tables wearing a dark blue dress that is rather revealing in the top but it's rude to speak of her like that.

"Lucy Mrs Lovett has been so kind to us these past years how could you say such a thing" i say slightly surprised at her just because lucy goes around caring about what everyone else thinks doesn't mean Eleanor should.

"Kind to you maybe" juicy mumbled crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly

"Well its not like you ever talk to her, she's actually quite lovely" i reply getting a bit annoyed that she's attacking Mrs. Lovett when she has nothing to do with our argument.

"See there you go defending her, thats why you dont want a child ben because of her" she shouts the air is hot and all the clouds have gone away.

"It has nothing to do with her lucy were not ready for a child" i say losing my temper ever so slightly of course i want a child but i can give a child the life it deserves.

"You don't love me if you did we would move and you'd never see that slut again" she was moving her long blond hair out of her face i grown and run my hands through my hair having had enuf of this i grab my cote off the hook.

"Wear are you going " she asks turning to look at me i normally would stay and talk things out but i can deal with this every day. I walk out the door and i here her follow me.

"Ben can we at least talk about this" she says and i can tell she about to cry i grit my teeth as i keep walking down the stairs we just spent the last hour and a half yelling about it.

"Were not ready for a child what is she thinking" i mutter walking down fleet street, i head to a nearby pub. It's a low class place but in a place like this no one is there to judge you. Everyone minds there own business and no one's nosey. I order some gin and start to drink by myself the hours go by and i drowned myself in alcohol trying my best to not think of lucy.

"I think you've had enough mate" the bartender says and i glare at him as he takes my glass away. I sigh knowing he probably right plus i don't want to cause any problem, even in my drunken state i try to avoid trouble. I look at the clock and see it's almost midnight i slowly get upgrading my feet along the pavement not really wanting to go home .

"Mr. Barker you gave me a right fright you did" nellie says when i enter her shop i don't want to go home just yet lucy is probably asleep but i don't want to her her yelling at me my head is spinning enuf as it is.

"sorry I was. I was wondering if I could stay done here" i ask not making eye contact with her it's embarrassing that i can't handle my own wife but i would hate to lose my temper with her and do or say something i regret.

"of course love sit down" she replies she sits me down at a booth and brings me a pie. I need the food to soak up the alcohol, i'll probably have a horrid hangover tomorrow.

"thank you" i say slurring a little as i eat the pie she really is a wonderful cook. The pie s warm and savory with a bit of spice to it.

"I take it you heard me and Lucy before" i state looking up at her i'm sure we were loud enuf i just hope she didn't here that the conversation was about her.

"I did " she reply sitting across from me. Maybe it's the alcohol but she looks so beautiful in the dim light. I eat the last of my pie.

"she wants kids... and she just doesn't understand that we don't have the money to provide for a child" I reply explaining my side to someone since lucy won't listen or try to understand.

"of course love there quite an expense" she says she's so understanding she take my plate to the sink and i stand up to follow her i should probably get back to lucy.

"thank you Mrs. Lovett" i say when she turns around only then do i realize how close we are and for some reason i can't move away i lean my hand on the counter for support.

"call me Nellie" she replied and i see a slight blush apear on her cheeks, i then look at her lips which are a deep cherry red that looks so sweet.

"well thank you.... Nellie" i state i turn to leave but stumble a little nellie comes to help me and when i'm back on my ett i fell her so close to me her lips so close to mine. I lean down to kiss her which quickly escalates and she is on my lap in one of the booths. Her lips taste so sweet. This is so wrong were both married and

" Lucy" i moan out quickly realizing i wasn't with luck i look up at nellie and see a bit of hurt in her eyes my head starts to spin from the alcohol a little and nellie stands up.

" Eleanor" a deep voice that i imagine is her husband calls and nellie turns to and walks out i quickly exited the shop wondering what the hell i just did this is what lucy was afraid of, but she almost drove me to it. A wave of guilt washes over me as i enter my home i walk into our bedroom and see lucy sleeping peacefully in the bed i wonder if she tried waiting up for me.

"Good night" i say kissing the top of lucy's head even though she can't hear me i feel guilty for being unfaithful to her.

I slam the razor down on the table. I can't make the same mistake i made all those years ago thinking about lucy so much were i couldn't see what was in front of me. I love nellie i just have to prove to her. Maybe shell take me back. I hear a noise from outside and flinch i quickly make sure my door is locked. Before i can focus on nellie i need to get rid of these guards who are looking for me.