Still Breathing

Unpredictable

Kacey's POV

     I smiled as he put his arms on my waist. "Ready when you are," I smirked and turned around to see my brother making a face at us and giggled a bit.

     I packed all my stuff and put it near the front door. "So since it's only four, what are we gonna do until we leave?" I laughed. Cody was on the couch half asleep, and Asher still looked tired. He shrugged at me. "You wanna watch Supernatural?" I tugged on his hand and led him back to the bedroom as he nodded and yawned.

     "Whatever you want, I'm down." Asher said sleepily.

     We huddled back under the covers and watched Supernatural on Netflix. A few hours in, I subconsciously pulled up my sleeve to scratch my arm, and I got a wide-eyed look from Asher.

     Shit. I realized he had seen my scars, something I had always made sure no one saw. Not even my brother. Dammit, I thought. All these years of keeping it hidden, and one slip up? How? I have hidden it for years, and never once did someone see them, except my ex. And that was an accident. I haven't done anything in a few weeks, and don't plan to with Asher around.

     Asher immediately paused the screen, and sat up in bed. "Sit up," He mumbled. I sat up, my face probably wrinkling with worry. My hands shook and trembled as he held my other arm and gently pulled up my sleeve. His face grew solemn as he saw the scars on my other arm.

     He sighed and looked at me. "How long has it been?" He questioned.

     "Two weeks," I replied quietly, worried that I had upset him. How was I going to go on a dangerous road trip if I couldn't even trust myself not to harm myself? "I'm sorry." I stared at my old scars and the new ones, afraid to make eye contact.

     "And who knows?"

     "No one. My ex-boyfriend knew, but he never stopped me. Not even my brother knows. Oh God, don't tell him," I begged.

     "Don't worry, okay? I won't tell him if you let me get rid of the blades." I nodded. He still had my arm. "Listen to me. Please don't hurt yourself. It's not worth it. I don't want you to. You're beautiful and I know you may not believe it, but you are. You don't deserve any of the pain you're going through."

     "It's just...ever since...he died, I've blamed myself. I did it before that, ever since I was thirteen, because I was so insecure. But it got worse after he died. My parents were too busy to notice, and I managed to hide it from my brother. I just can't convince myself that I don't deserve it. I feel like I do." My voice broke and I just couldn't keep it in.

     He pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "You don't. When I saw you the very first time when we were little, I promised myself I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you like what happened to my sister. You were one of my only childhood friends." He wiped some of the tears from my face and I buried my face in his chest, letting out a soft cry. He rocked me back and forth, letting out a "Shh."

     "All these years, I've waited. Last year, when word about him got out, I didn't know it had all happened like that. No one at school knew anything about him hurting you. I wish I would've known so I could have helped you. Instead, I just kept waiting because I knew it'd be worth it. You're strong, and I know it. I've always known." Asher said, and I looked up at him. We sat there for a few minutes in silence as the tears began to stop flowing.

     "That's literally the best thing anyone's ever said to me." A grin spread across my face, and I hugged him tightly. I sniffled. It amazed me how much we connected. Like, it was something I couldn't explain. He made me so happy and I hadn't felt that happy in a long time.