Abuser-Septiplier

Chapter 33 - Bad habits and Slip up's

Sean's POV

"Sean! Get back in here and drag Joey back in with you!", Our teacher shouted.  I couldn't deal with it.  All the people who just laughed at me and Joey, laughing harder as we cried harder.  Our own teachers not even giving a fuck.  So on my way out i just stuck up my middle finger at her and stormed out behind Joey

She looked so shocked and i was pretty sure she was gonna' let the principle know about it, but i didn't give a fuck.  As i hurried up the hall, i noticed Joey, far in front of me, rushing across the floor.  "Joey?! Are you okay?", I asked as i jogged up to him.  He stopped and turned, tears still pouring down his face.

"I know, there asshole's but please don't be upset, just ignore them", I told him.  "I-im so stupid.  I-i cant even r-read a book", He said through loud sobs that echoed through the silent halls.  "Joey, don't ever say that your fucking stupid, Your amazing.  Its not your fault that your dyslexic", I told him, softly as we began walking, my arm around him.  

He just nodded and smiled.  Only, i could tell; he didn't believe me.  "What do you wanna' do? You wanna' head back to period 2, or stay out of lessons until break?", I asked him.  "I-i just wanna' st-stay out until its br-break, then i can s-see Da-Dan-Daniel", He told me.

I smiled at him softly, "Okay, lets go outside the school, we can sit on the benches while the time passes", I told him as he smiled and nodded.

We walked out the school and outside, finding a bench and sitting down.  "Please don't be mad at me by the way", I told him.  "Fo-for what?".  I was about to reveal a really big secret.  I took a small box out of my pocket.  He looked pretty shocked to see it.  As i pulled out a cigarette.  

His mouth dropped slightly as i began to smoke it, "Sorry Joey, i know, i'm too young, only sixteen but i cant help it.  Especially with what those asshole's just did.  You should feel kinda happy though", I chuckled, "Your the only person iv'e told-I haven't even fucking told Mark.  He'd probably be pretty pissed about it anyways", I told him.

"You-You're so... strange.. di-different", He told me.  "Really, how?", I asked him.  "Your so... Like.. You and me both get bullied.  Jo-jocks hate us.  Bu-but, you're kinda li-like one of them.  Like co-cool.  You even smo-smoke", He told me.  

"Thanks but, not really.  Just cause i smoke, it doesn't make me a popular person.  Im not even that cool.  Im just a idiot.  A unpopular insecure suicidal-", I quickly stopped my self.  Shit.  I just said that... didn't I?  Yep you fucking did... you shit bag, i thought to my self as i face palmed.  Joey's eyes widened, "Wh-what?", He asked.

"Oh.. erm, nothing", I thought to myself.  I felt like a dumb fucking idiot.  God im such a fucking screw up, idiot... mistake.  "Bu-but, it-its something Se-Sean, what do you mean... suicidal?", He asked.  I felt more stupid by the minute.  God, only a dumb fuck up could say something like that.  Cut! Die! Self harm! I felt like harming so much, Deep! Cut deep you fuck up! My mind kept telling me.

"Joey?", I asked quietly.  "Ye-yeah", He answered.  "Ha-have you got a.. Elastic band, or maybe a hair bobble?", I asked as i pinched my skin to cause pain.  "Ye-yeah but why?", He asked.  "Please just give me one, please?", I asked.  "... Okay", He told me as he reached into his bag and took a elastic band out.  I practically snatched it off him.  

I held my cigarette in my mouth and put the band around my wrist.  I Put my arm by my side so Joey couldn't see and began flinging the band against my arm.  The stinging pain, soothing me.  "Ja-Jack, what are you do-doing?", He asked, his voice filled with worry.  "No-nothing", I told him as i hid my arm behind me slightly more.  

"...Um? Wh-what were you talking about, su-suicidal?", He asked worriedly.  "Joey, i'm.. fine", Great.. the typical thing we all say.  By all i mean, anyone in depression.  'I'm fine' was simple to say.  It covered up everything but anyone who had been through 'it' before knew it meant so many words.  Useless, worthless, alone, depressed, anxious, fucked up, stupid, ugly, worried, a idiot... like your a piece of shit... A dying piece of shit. To any, un-depressed person it meant.  They were perfectly 'fine'.

"Sean.. Do-don't lie", He told me.  "Ple-please don't call me that", I told him, my eyes filled with tears, about to come crashing down.  "Wh-why? Why do you like Jack?", He asked.  Because i can hide my true identity, because it makes me feel like i'm not me-i'm a different person.  Like i'm not such a screw up.  As if having a fake name could hide my feelings, insecurities, fucked up life, fucked up brain, fucking up idiot. "I-I just like it..", I told him.

Hope u guys enjoyed.   Sorry if it was a little sad D: It get better thou :D Also i can brighten the mood if u wanna XD So today my dad was complaining at my mum because she accidently covered some of his tools in water and they might get rusty.

She said, "What about when they get wet when your working? What do you do then? Surely things get wet in your job", I couldn't fucking stop laughing! Plus it was a spanner!!! Don't call meh dirty minded.  I cleanse meh body in holy water daily! Plus, ik u r all dirty minded too! XD

Stay happy and stay alive