No One Else Like You

(17)Heart Wants What It Wants

The future that we hold is so unclear

But I'm not alive until you call 

And I'll bet the odds against it all

You got me scattered in pieces

Shining like stars and screaming

Lighting me up like Venus

But then you disappear and make me wait

Aman was at home the entire day, making calls and whatnot but he did not speak to me at all. I kept wondering what was so wrong. I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't even respond to Raven's texts and calls, all I wanted was to know what was up with Aman. Nothing else was consuming my mind. 

But he wasn't speaking to me. Not that he was ignoring me but he wasn't his usual self. After that kiss I really thought we were going to, I don't know, do something about us?

It's all just so complicated. I don't even know what I was thinking. Maybe he realized what I was stupid enough to not realize. 

We were divorced for a reason. We can't just flow into our desires again. We need to move on. We just couldn't gel together anymore. He was salt and I was a saturated solution, we weren't going to mix well. He was sick of my bickering, doubting and overthinking and I was done with his lies and stories. When trust goes from a relationship, when you start doubting every single thing about each other, there is no point in being together. 

In our last days, I was mad at him about something or the other. The irritation was constant, the belief in his words was gone. And I knew he wasn't lying all the time, but I couldn't trust and he was sick of trying to make me believe him. One of the other things was his constant involvement in my life, which I loved and I never thought he wasn't giving me any space. I had no problems letting my husband know everything about me and what I am up to, what angered me was his lack of involving me. Like the time he decided to expand the business and move to Mumbai, he only told me when everything was finalized. Wouldn't I feel hurt? I chose to consult him or at least tell him  before doing anything. Whether it was pursuing a degree in business or whatever. 

I was giving him whatever I could. I was trying to change or adjust myself according to his liking but he was finding something or the other wrong with me always. He never asked me to change but how could you be completely yourself knowing that your other half has a problem? Sometimes I had to work late, it was a private job after all and I had a big position.  It happened at least five times a month that I came back home after nine. 

He never said no. But he commented often on my late nights. Then one big fight later, he compared me to another woman. His mom at the time when we were dating and she didn't know about me, had thought of a girl for him for marriage. He already knew her as they were childhood friends. Of course he refused and the issue never came up. 

But then one day, he asked me a random question. 

"Baby.." he began and I turned around. I was working on my laptop on a presentation. 

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm a good husband?"

I was really surprised at him for asking such a question. 

"Even if you are not, it's a bit too late now for me to change husbands don't you think?" I answered. 

He smiled. "Come on, I'm serious. Am I?"

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his nose. "You are the best."  Which I honestly felt. 

He kissed me on my cheeks. "Good." 

"What about me?", I asked. 

"Well, in some aspects yes and in some aspects no..", he answered casually. 

I was taken aback. Not that I was expecting him to say that I deserved the Nobel Prize for being the best wife on the planet but seriously. WHAT?

"Alright...in what aspects no?"

"Well..."

"Say, come on."

"Alright. How do I explain myself? You remember, Radhika?"

"Your childhood friend? The girl your mom wanted you to see?"

"Yeah, her. So...she is married now. She is home by four. So she is back early enough to take care of the kids, make dinner for everyone. When her husband falls sick, she takes a leave from work you know? To take care of him. She is working like you already know and gives her earnings to her husband." 

It's safe to say that I didn't talk to him properly for a week after this. 

And hurt me no less. Because yes, I did want to adjust and change according to him. The things that I felt were important enough for me to do. Like trying to not over-work myself so that I could be home. I wanted to improve my cooking skills as much as possible so that he wasn't he only one cooking in the mornings (for dinner we had a cook). And most importantly, I never thought of the good qualities that any of my ex or friends had and then compare them with Aman's. 

There was no need to. Because each individual is different and you can't expect them all to be the same. And if those qualities of Radhika made her so much better than me even if in "some" aspects, how was I supposed to feel? 

You can't hurt someone again and again, make them feel low and then expect them to believe you when you tell them you love them, want them. It just gets irritating after that because they stop believing you.

Maybe that's what happened with me. 

I know I wasn't easy on Aman, maybe he had a ton of problems from me too. Guess that's why he it's we got separated.

But trying to get over him was the hardest thing I ever had to do, now we are living together no less. 

Of course these things caused us to fight often, I still loved him the same. The thing that separated us was something both of us had no control over. It was something that caused Aman to postpone his business dealings in Mumbai and come back. It was something that wounded both of us a lot. 

And I know he put on a brave face for me, he was trying to be all fine for me but he wasn't. 

It was something I try not to think about anymore. 

Anyway, I think I should tell him that I went to dinner with Raven last night. I don't want to hide anything. 

I got up from my bedroom and found him in the living room but he was already walking towards my direction. His expression looked completely serious.

"Mira, I need to tell you something."

**

A/N: 

So what do you think is the thing that separated them both? ;)

Thank you for reading. <3