Diary?

Before.,

Before everything happened, in my dreams you were with me. I dreamt of the night we would kiss for the first time and I kept craving your presence. I wanted to go back to those dreams since it was what I wanted not the reality of us. I knew I was nowhere as pretty to may of these girls. I knew I was nowhere physically similar to them. My heavy heart breaks knowing you're not mine. I just wanted there to be an us. I would think of the cute things I'd do for you if we were together. That one day you would change your mind and tell me that you felt the same. But I didn't want to wait. I was even going to be fine if you acted as if you loved me. Just act like you love me, stay here and embrace me, tell me that you love me. Tell me that I'm the one. The pain of thinking of what could be dawned on me. I dreamt of all the memories we would create. Us writing our story and carving our names into stone and tree, singing along to our song. The very same song that I introduced to you. The sleepless nights we'd spend together and the sleepless nights we'd share thinking of each other but they are all dreams I wished were reality. You were the only one for me other than josh dun. I dreamt that we were together til the end of times but I don't think you'll ever understand how much I liked you.
I'm sorry I'm not the one you like. I'm sorry I'm not what you picture yourself with. I'm sorry I'm not being what is considered beautiful. I'm sorry I never cross your mind the way you did with me. I'm sorry I ruined us. I'm sorry you don't feel the way I feel. I'm sorry that you caught my heart but I didn't catch yours. I wasted my time trying to reel you in. I thought I was strong to stop it but I was wrong. I'm sorry I can't give you what you need. I'm sorry you deserve more than what I offer.