Braid | Obikin

2.

We got back from Coronet City in a terrible mood, as confirmed by the deep wrinkle between my Master's eyebrows and my aggravating indolence.
He hardly tolerates failures, and I start finding the old, usual intimacy of our missions strenuous.
We shower together, dress together, sleep together. Our beds are often so close I could touch him just reaching out.
My Corellian nights have been spent staring at the ceiling and considering how karked up I am since his breathing enthrals me this much.

Padawans have crushes on their Masters; it's so trite it's a joke, a necessary step toward knighthood (Windu might've skipped it, and with good reason - though I wouldn't bet on it).
However, I'll cut my braid within weeks; I'm too old, and this is too intense.
Without mentioning the fact that my stunning, adorable wife should be more than enough to make me forget about it all.

The moment we step into our quarters, I drop my bag, hop on the couch and kick my boots away. Obi-Wan comments respectively with a glower, a click of his lips and an eye-roll.
As I nap, he diligently unpacks, showers and writes his report.
Then, he wakes me up holding an iced Lum against my cheek and answers to my curse gifting me the bottle.
He frees his spot pushing my feet down the couch and drops beside me with a soft wail.

"Corellians are respecting pacts, after all," I offer to my discouraged Master, straightening up a little to avoid dribbling. "They have no reason in the Galaxy to step into a war that, let's be honest, straightforwardly sucks. Nothing could've persuaded Bel Iblis to side with us. Well, except maybe for..." I deliberately trail off to sip at my drink.
Obi-Wan rewards me with a curious, attentive look that makes my stomach flip.

"Bribing," I conclude.

He snorts. "That's not the Republic's way! Not every Corellian is a scoundrel, young one. The Senator would've taken offence."

"As well with the creds."

Obi-Wan covers his face to hide his amusement. "When did my Padawan become this cynical? I'm taking mental note not to let you talk with a Senator ever again."

What about other than talking?

Over the following hour, he explains once more how the System could turn the tides of the war and goes over each clause of the Contemplanys Hermi in detail.
My nap left me warm and cosy, and I can't bring myself to listen to a word. His lips move, and I see them move around me. The glimpse of the tongue between his teeth will make me go on for weeks.

Kriff.

I need Padme, as soon as possible. Plotting my night escape will avert my focus from his mouth, at least.
I'm desperate for a friend to talk to, but those I trust are exactly the last two I can share this with.

One of them is frowning at me, right now; lips pursed, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. "War, missions, trials. Too much going on and I can't concentrate for my life."

No meditation, please

"Meditation will do," he suggests, sounding annoyed himself.

I swallow a sigh, and we do it right away.
I'm so hopeless I even enjoy it; the way our knees touch when I manage to shift close enough, the way he feels in the Force. I crave for his harmony because I'm weak and wicked.
There's no blaming the war for the growing distance between us. It's me that's spoiling it all, betraying all we built over these years.
I guess some are just born with chaos in their veins, and they surely do not belong here.

I count the minutes until I sneak to Padme and get a break from the exhausting tension of these days. Despite this, when he proposes to dine together, I'm ecstatic.
I love when he cooks for me. I'll starve once I'm knighted if we don't share quarters anymore.
I bet he can't wait to kick me out and eventually make this place just as neat and tidy as he wishes. Maybe, he'll take another Padawan straight away; one that will be glad to take care of all the housework I shamelessly shun.
The idea alone sends me out of my mind.
I yearned to be his equal for years. Now that I'm about to, I wish we could just stop here.

"Would you say you're a Padawan person?" I casually enquire.
Not the smartest question, given that any answer will bring me the same amount of regret and relief.

"I wouldn't," he replies.

(On a side note, my painstakingly polite Master considers acceptable talking with his mouth full, in my presence. I'm not quite sure how to interpret this. More troubling, I find it cute).

"Are you happy I'm gonna be a Knight soon?" Here's another good one.

Obi-Wan's head tilts, meaning the answer should be obvious. I get the identical ambivalent feeling I had before.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" he adds, replenishing my dish.

I take a deep breath and opt for a half truth. "It's all too fast. I'm supposed to be thrilled because I'm getting all I've always wanted. Instead, some karking mechanism broke inside me, and all feels dull."

He wears his 'compassionate Master' face; twisted mouth and concerned furrow. "The war is changing us. It might be that what you always wanted is not what you want now."

"I fear what my knighting will do to us." I blurt out, wishing somebody could stop my rant. "My thoughts are all wrong. I should worry about war, not this."

"Your struggling won't affect the conflict in any way, Anakin. Be patient, accept your goals can't always be straightforward. You're so young, and crossing so many borders at once... your confusion is understandable." He hesitates, as he always does when he's about to say something slightly personal, then smiles warmly. "We're a good team, cutting a braid won't change it. The loss of that little authority I delude myself I still have over you doesn't scare me."

I give him a playful look. "Profit of these weeks, then. Pull rank on me one last time and make me obey all your orders."

Obi-Wan snickers, apparently finding the notion of a diligent, submissive Padawan hilarious.
I feel the urge to reach for him over the table and... I don't know. Do things to him.

"Test me, Master," I purr.

Mother of Moons.
Am I flirting with my Master?

The swift rise of his eyebrows leaves me poor hopes my inopportuneness passed unnoticed.

"How could I refuse?" He grins. "Start by cleaning the table, Padawan!"

I obey without a complaint. However, the orders I contemplate while loading the sonic dishwasher are of an entirely different nature.
To be honest, my mind can't go much further than kisses. I steal one, let's say before he goes to bed; a goodnight kiss hijacked to his lips.
Obi-Wan blushes the way he did during the sparring incident.
'Anakin,' he whispers, reprovingly slouching the last syllable.
'What,' I reply before doing it again.
He finally gives in, and his beard feels weird.

This is where my imagination stops. The kiss seems improbable, but not out of this Galaxy; an expression of affection more than lust.
I can see my Master being so surprised he lets me, perhaps even enjoying it a little.
But then, I'm not sure. My - limited - experiences with men were all kinda... rough. That's not like him, neither on the receiving or the giving end.

I must be out of my mind.
He could be a virgin, as far as I know; no sense in racking my head on who would top.

"My caf won't make itself!" He urges from the living room, loud enough to overcome the shrieking from the holoviewer.

Thanks to the Force, I'm good at shielding.

Handing him the warm cup, I consider watching old scary holomovies with him until our eyes sting. We could mock the lousy special effects. Obi-Wan would point out they used to give youngling-me nightmares anyway.
He would let me snuggle a little bit, maybe.

I shake my head and announce that, if he's done with orders, I'm going out with friends.

"Nice excuse," he sneers, eyes on the screen. "We both know you can't bear 'The Dathomir Witch Project' till the end."

"Well, I can't risk bad dreams since you won't take me into your bed anymore."

Stop. It.

Maybe I sense it in the Force, perhaps I just know him too well but, for a moment, Obi-Wan seems baffled. And embarrassed.

"You used to kick me to the mattress border, back then," he comments, pretending he's neither of these. "No desire to find out what would happen now that you're taller than me... Sure, Anakin, have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."