Fix You // Matt Healy

3

After Matt's outburst, which was exactly eight days ago, I resorted to living in my pajamas all day, all night. I left the house for a couple hours at a time to go to school, but even then, I did most of my studies online. Hadley hasn't been around much either because of some new boyfriend she's got who is apparently "the one". This happens all the time. She finds a boy, moves in with said boy, gives him everything, then he leaves. Hadley has abandonment issues because of her father when she was younger, so I've assumed from the start that's the main cause of her problems. 

The previous eight days have consisted of iced tea, The Arctic Monkeys, Pretty Little Liars reruns and lots of takeout food. My kitchen was beginning to ressemble the kitchen back in the orphanage I lived in until I was 16. The counters had food stains scattered everywhere and the sink was full of dirty dishes begging to be scrubbed. 

I was on an emotional downward spiral and nothing was going to bring me out of it. Once I decide on something, I get it. 

Although I'm being stubborn with my moody lifestyle, I still couldn't help myself from thinking about what Matt was doing at this time. I thought that maybe we were going to be friends or at least acquaintances, but ever since his disappearance I've lost confidence. There's days when I wish I could just have a conversation with him about simple topics. He seems like a complex mystery that I'd love to figure out. 

But that's my problem. He has made it clear he doesn't want or need my help. I'm studying to become a criminologist, like the big guys on CSI or Criminal Minds, so is it really my fault that I'm nosy? It might as well be in the department description for Criminology at the university I attend. "MUST BE NOSY AND STUBBORN!" could attract a lot of potential students. 

My mother told me when I was younger that I should learn to mind my own business. Guess I should listen more often. The reminder of my mother causes me to shudder in fear. I think back to that night. 

flashback 

"Ellie, can you please go to the second aisle and pick up some of those crackers you kids love? I must have missed them earlier," my mother smiles gently at me as my eyes widen in delight. 

My mom never asked me to do things, so I took this as a special task. Almost like a mission. I smirked as I walked away from my mother, father and older brother, Carter. Little did I know, that was the last time I'd see some of them. I was only eleven. 

Collecting a pathetic can of soup was the least of my worries. While I was getting my mother the soup, a man with a gun decided it would be the perfect time to enter the store and demand money. My dad, the ex-FBI agent that he was, tried to help the situation. The man shot him first. Then soon after, my mother. 

end of flashback

He left Carter alive, solely for the purpose to watch our parents suffer. As soon as Carter turned nineteen four years later, he packed up his bags and fled the country, desperate to "find himself". I haven't heard from him since. He's twenty-six now, most likely married with a family. 

 --- 

On Mondays, the shitty town I live in decides to close all major restaurants to encourage people to have "quality time" with their families. That's the sole reason that I'm now seated in some sleazy bar, ordering soggy nachos and avoiding the suggestive looks from the greasy men around me. Probably not my brightest idea, but I've got to learn somehow.