Fix You // Matt Healy

7

"Great work, class, see you tomorrow," Aidan announced as the transition bell sounded. 

Sighing in relief, I retrieve my books and toss them into my bag, excited to finally be done for the day. 

I hum quietly as I exit the university gates, smiling when my Jeep comes into view. It's been almost a week since Matt got the job at the coffee shop and I've been visiting him everyday at two for my share of creamy coffee. Three nights ago he officially moved in with me, bringing along a bunch of clothes, records and other random items. 

We haven't exactly discussed what "we" were, but I think it's safe to say we're basically official. The memory of him cooking pasta for me the other night while I watched old episodes of 90210 pops into my head as I cruise down the road towards the shop. He was so determined to make a perfect meal for me, only asking for my help once. He needed the stove on. 

The shop looks oddly busy today as I park and grab my wallet. There's a new drink being added to the menu today called "Berry Brilliance" and I'm excited to try it. 

My feet stop as I enter the cafe. 

The shop is filled with guys and girls around my age. I recognize some of them as Matt's friends. Scanning the room, my eyes land on him and instantly I wish they didn't. There, in the corner, is my almost-boyfriend. With a redheaded girl on his lap. The sight doesn't make me jealous, or angry or upset. It makes me disappointed. I thought he was finally changing, becoming a better person for me. Hadley was right when she told me last night on the phone, "If a man won't change for himself, he won't change for anyone." 

Tears are gathering in my eyes as he finally looks up and notices me standing there. To say he was surprised would be a lie. He looks at me with a bored expression on his face before turning his head back to the slut sitting on him. 

This is the last straw. 

--- 

An hour later, I'm sitting in my living room enjoying a glass of wine. It took me less than thirty minutes to come back to my flat, gather Matt's belongings and leave them sitting in the lobby. I smirk to myself as I remember the happiness I felt when I saw his key sitting on the counter. He must have forgotten it, but that's okay with me. That just means he can't get back into my flat. 

Afterwards when I'm done my pity wine, I head to my room in hopes to sleep before bad memories haunt me. I tug open my pajama drawer looking for an old shirt when I notice the jar sitting neatly on my dresser. 

In that moment, while I'm slightly drunk and emotionally broken, I make a decision. 

I'm pausing my university courses for the rest of the year and I'm going to go to America. 

I can meet new friends, try new things, and maybe even find Carter. 

I actually manage to fall asleep as lots of ideas cloud my mind. 

--- 

The next morning, I wake up and grab my laptop. Before I've even been up for thirty minutes, I've paused all of my courses until next Spring and I've already found a plane ticket to Los Angeles. 

The site I'm on offers a package deal. For the price of one vacation, I will spend two months travelling America. I'll be visiting California, New York, Washington, Florida, Texas, Ohio and more. The cost is rather expensive, but once I finish school next year and begin working, the debt will be gone in no time. 

My coffee got cold while I packed. My flight leaves in four days and I need to have everything ready. The decision is probably way too insane, Hadley will most likely freak out when I tell her, but I need to get away. 

A knock on the door interrupts me from my plans and I momentarily forget about my issues with Matt. That's probably why I was shocked to see him on the other side of the door. Him and his belongings. 

"Kicking me out? Really? Because some girl was on my lap?" he seethes, clearly he's not too happy. 

"You're kidding me, right? You actually think that having a girl on your lap when I'm not around is fine? Does our relationship mean nothing to you?" I yell, finally building up the courage to stand up to him. 

"Relationship? What are you talking about? There is no relationship, there's no "we", there's nothing," the look on his face is enough for me to burst into tears. 

I mean nothing to him, I realize. Shaking my head, letting the tears fall freely from my eyes, I begin to close the door on him again. 

"I'm going to America for two months," I tell him quietly before shutting the door completely. 

The expression he shows looks like he's upset. My theory is confirmed when he begins to bang on the door repeatedly until I once again face him. 

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean all of that," he coos, attempting to pull me into an embrace. 

I burst out laughing at him, a full on cackle, watching him try to apologize. 

"You're no good for me, Matt. You lie to me, you cheat on me, you're constantly throwing it in my face that you don't care about me. Whatever we had here, it's over. Go back to your army of sluts and find one of them to make you happy. Clearly I don't," the confidence in my voice begins to drain as I mumble the last few words to him. 

"You don't get it, do you?" he growls, running a hand through his hair, "You don't get how fu.cking crazy you make me feel. You don't get how you're the only thing on my mind and clearly you don't get how that terrifies me so much that I run away, hoping you'll chase me. I know I'm fu.cked up and I'm sorry for that. But I've never cheated on you. That girl on my lap yesterday didn't mean anything to me, in fact, I told her to fu.ck off the second I saw you in the shop. She's obsessed with me and I try to get her to realize that I'm in love with someone and that I'm not--" 

"You're what?" I interrupt him, eyes wide. 

"You heard me," he answers, biting his lip and looking at the ground. 

"Matt, you can't keep hurting me like this. Every single time I leave you alone, I'm disappointed and hurt. How can I trust you? I look so pathetic running back to you every single time something happens, but I just can't help it," 

"I'll stop, Ellie, I promise," he pleads, wrapping his arms around my neck. 

"I'll be better," he mumbles over and over into my hair. 

And once again, I believe him. 

---