My Spiritual Journey

It's been a while

So It's been two months since I've written to you guys and let me tell you. A lot has happened. 

I mean a lot~

So much that you might need to sit down if you aren't already.

Okay so December was the last time I posted and it was sort of trying to escape from my feelings of self-worthlessness. 

My Grandfather has been visiting me to help me calm down my anxieties. 

And because I didn't make eggs for my mother immediately I suddenly don't have rides to school anymore

But screw it! With paperwork and the luck of the housing application being re-opened and I was able to go and dorm on campus.

I am settled in by today but it doesn't seem real yet. It seems like I am staying here for about a week going back home for the next and returning. Its weird. It doesn't seem like I am dorming officially but the first day here is definitely peaceful.

Everything changed when I said goodbye.

My mother didn't even look at me. She didn't even acknowledge her child.

it's hard to talk about my mother at this point. It's been nearly three days since I spoke with her. 

The last time I spoke with her I basically said point blank that I wasn't going to take her garbage anymore. 

So logically to her that makes me a disrespectful daughter. 

It is what it is at this point. My mother has put me through so much that right now this is the right thing for me to do. I am caring of my mother but I don't think I can say I love her.  

I can't say that anymore because I don't want to lie to myself.

Guys you are not obligated to love your parents. 

If you love them because you love them that's better than loving them because you have to.

I don't want to burn bridges but I am not gonna take that person's shit.

I am on a low tolerates of bullshit. 

Which I am worried about...

But I hope things get better.