Darling ,that's absurd ! (Sequel to 'Try not to bleed out....') [completed]

Too far away

*im so sorry, this chapter took so long to write , it's just that I'm having some difficulties at home still. I hope you guys will forgive me <3 😭 

P.S this chapter might be TRIGGERING for  some people. So please read with caution. Also there is a small amount of swearing.*

Word count : 921

"I can't believe it! My baby girl is all grow up and moving out," you exclaim almost crying at you hold your eldest to you. "Mum, please stop being so dramatic! You're coming round on Tuesday to help unpack everything," Scarlet laughs. " I know but I can't help it !" You counter while embracing her boyfriend Josh.

"If either of you two need anything just tell me," Mycroft shakes Josh's hand and smiles. "Please don't leave ! Why can't you come live with us Josh ! Then we'd have an even bigger family!?" Jacob whines. "But I am part of your family, aren't I ?" At this Josh smiles lightly at Jacobs face . Lost for words as he doesn't want to insult his cool older "brother".

"Anyway we best be heading off now, we have a lot to do and plan, love you!" With that Scarlet blows a kiss and waves while stepping into the taxi.

*time skip*

They say that it's hardest on the person leaving to let go. Yet here I am crying in the bathroom because of too many emotions all at once. In fact there are 2 specific emotions I'm feeling which I have been numb too for 3 months now. My depression. It's like a monster always lurking behind me that no one can see. Telling me I'm not strong enough and that I could just give up. And anxiety.... The random panic attacks, constantly having the shakes and having to avoid caffeine like the plague. Being short of breathe and having pains in my abdomen and that horrible pain. That doctors can't explain, it's not IBS but they tell me it is. I guess no one understands me after all.

And it's not only mentally, I'm dealing with my mental illnesses physically too. I've been under eating them binge eating and throwing up. I've been getting migraines and soreness though out all my body. I feel fatigued and dizzy all the time. As if the next step I take I might just faint. I know Mycroft has realised and has been keeping me from the children. I know it's to avoid issues or questions that would only make me worse. But my demons are telling me it's because I'm a horrible mother and he wants to separate. I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm reading fanfic about depressed readers and how the character always supports them and I feel like it's how Mycroft acted only to get me. It's not romanticised anymore. He hates me.

He hates how I hide things from him and won't open up. He hates how I act around everyone as if I hadn't been crying for the past hour before leaving the house. He hates how I can't think of anything but how horrible my life is. 'You know how I know this? Because he's currently ranting at me about how this and that is wrong and that I need o get help... Like I don't know or haven't tried.'

"You can't keep yourself locked up (y/n) think about the children! They don't need to see you like this. They still depend and look up to us at their age, what will you set as an example by  wallowing in self pity !?" He finishes his lecture at me. " If you care so much about setting an opinion maybe you shouldn't work 24/7. Maybe then they would realise there is more to life than working ! Also, then you wouldn't be leaving them to me, since I'm such a shitty role model!" You shout back, "in fact let's test that theory, oh wait. You didn't stay and care for them, did you? So don't tell me that I'M a bad role model. In fact if it weren't for the children I don't knew if I'd be here myself considering all you tell me these days is to toughin' up. Well news flash that's like telling someone with a bone condition to just strengthen their bones and move on already. Don't you think people with problems TRY and fix them. Ive been to over 30 therapists and talked to over 65. So tell me, because I really don't understand. How am I a bad role model for showing reality for what I really is. For showing one of the greatest qualities a human can have, strength ?!"

"It isn't strength to coop up your feelings and lie to everyone about how you feel or what you've been doing. It isn't reality that EVERYONE has a mental illness. Yes strength is great to teach them but not like this! And I know it's hard for you to move forward, just like I know I don't know what you're going through. But what you're doing right now, helps no one. So maybe I will take care of the children for awhile ,while you take time to figure out what you're going to do next to fix yourself." With that he left.

"Fuck you, asshole!" You shout down the stairs. Not even thinking about your children. You huffed out air and punched the wall. Swinging around in-gracefully and sliding your back down the wall. You do what you're best at, crying.

' Maybe I just need some time off.'