Introspection

Lies

There are some things I hate lying about

Yet I keep doing it

I can't escape the lies at this point

They believe them, so I have to maintain the lies

People ask what music I listen to

I just answer oh not much... cause I'm afraid to tell people that for some reason

People joke about "it's like they're having a seizure hahaha"

I absolutely hate that. But I don't say anything because I'm a complete coward. They don't even know about my epilepsy because I lie and say I don't have anything because I'm scared.

This goes back to me having no confidence because I only lie because I'm scared of what will happen if they know the real me.

I hate myself, so they probably would too.

Again, I hate these writings here too. They're awful. This isn't even really a poem. It's just a 2am rant. Again, no confidence.

I'm scared of what my family thinks even. I don't tell them anything either. They know about my epilepsy but not about anything I do online. I've got internet friends that no one knows about. I listen to music and they don't know what I'm doing. I hide everything out of fear of judgement.

They don't know my thoughts or my troubles. I don't tell those to anyone. I just keep it all bottled up inside. They'll think I'm weak if I don't. Eventually I'll crack open and cry.

Hobbies? They don't think I have any.

Future plans? Now I truly don't have any of those. Don't even have to lie about that. It's time to sort out what college I'm going to and I have no idea.

I don't know why I'm so scared. It doesn't truly matter what anyone else thinks about me. I know God loves me and that's all that matters.

But. Their possible opinions still bother me. All the what ifs run through my mind.

I need to stop imagining all those terrible, terrifying circumstances but I just can't seem to.

That's what causes all the lies.