Lumayo Ka Man Sa Akin

Chapter XIII

After his heated discussion with Lillian by the sea, Hugo spent his time walking back from the shore to the house processing everything that he had just learned.

He is a father.

He is THE father of Lillian's child.

Alejandra, also known as Alyanna is his daughter. Their daughter.

Not his father, but his.

At that time, he did not exactly know what to feel. He was beyond ecstatic of knowing he is a father, a mix of fear for not knowing how to be a father, and inexplicable anger for missing the first seven years of his daughter's life. All he knows is now, his life is changed forever and there is no going back. He won't let Lillian take another minute away of his time with Alyanna. He was also beyond furious with his father for not saying a word. He was just as much, if not more, to blame as Lillian.

If only had he known, he would have never left the Philippines. Who knows how he and Lillian would have ended up but he never would have left his daughter. He wished he was given the option to stay, to go see Alyanna on Lillian's ob-gyne check-ups, her sonograms. He wished he had the chance to feel the excitement of whether their unborn child was a boy or a girl, the process of choosing her name, her first, second, third birthdays. He hated Lillian for having robbed that time away from him. Now, he wants to start his life with Alyanna, to get to know her: her favorite books, food, colors, TV shows, anything.

When he reached the beach house, all he wanted to see was his daughter and give her a huge, tight hug. When he opens the door to the living room, he sees his seven-year-old daughter, now wearing a pink, unicorn onesie staring out the window with her right hand attached to it. When Alyanna heard the door creak, she turns to see a tall man, her Papa, standing, looking directly at her, his eyes filled with longing.

Hugo could tell her from her daughter's eyes that she was frightened but at the same time studying him.

"Mama's right. We have the same nose."

Hugo launched himself at her to give her a hug. While he held on tight, his daughter awkwardly wrapped her arms around him, unsure of how to respond.

"I am so sorry Alyanna. I am so sorry na Papa was not here before. But I promise you baby, hinding hindi na kita iiwan." Hugo said, kissing her cheeks.

"Where's my mama? I want to see my mama."

Those word stung Hugo. At the same time, he couldn't blame his daughter. Although she knew he is her father, she grew up with Lillian and therefore more attached to her mother.

"I'm here baby." Lillian says as she enters the door, the same one Hugo entered from, wiping the tears from eyes, her voice sounding stuffy.

Alyanna runs to her Mama, holding hugging her waste, not wanting to let go.

For the first time, the family was complete. Not happy, far from it, but complete.

"Hugo, hayaan mo munang i-explain ko sa bata ang sitwasyon."

Hugo nodded, surprisingly understanding where Lillian and Alyanna were coming from. As much as he hated it, he knows Lillian can ease his daughter into the awkward situation they are in. He will have to wait to explain his side once Alyanna warms up to him.

"No worries. Pagod na din siguro ang bata."

Lillian knelt, kissing her daughter on the forehead. "Let's go to bed Alyanna. Mama will tuck you in."

"I want you to sleep next to me Mama." Alyanna pleaded.

"Yes, Mama will sleep next to you." Lillian looked at Hugo, sensing his pain, then continued, "Say goodnight to Papa. You'll see him tomorrow."

Alyanna, who looked more comfortable, turned to Hugo and gave him a hug. "Goodnight Papa."

Hugo hugged her back, "Good night baby. I'll see you tomorrow."

Alyanna then reached for Lillian's hand, as Lillian guided her to her room.

Hugo needed a drink.

...

After reading Alyanna her favorite bedtime story The Three Little Pigs, Alyanna immediately passed out next to Lillian. Despite her many attempts of falling asleep herself, she ended up tossing and turning until she finally gave up and decided to go downstairs and maybe catch Hugo.

The walls that took her years to build began to crumble when she saw the longing in his eyes after finding him with their daughter in the living room when she walked in. She thought it would only be fair if she actually sat down with Hugo and talk, even help him build a relationship with his daughter. While the decision to hide Alyanna's whole existence to him was more driven by selfish reasons, she thought it would only be fair if Alyanna is aware of his existence, of what he looked like, what he is like even without having met each other. Lillian was no idiot, she knew the time would come that Hugo and Alyanna would meet. She did not want Alyanna to think that she was abandoned by Hugo when it was her choice for not including him in their lives.

Lillian headed down to the kitchen to see Hugo drinking a glass of scotch. When he heard her approach, he looked at her for a brief second before looking back to his glass. Lillian pulled a chair across from him, clearing her throat. "Ask me anything."

Hugo sarcastically chuckled before looking at her straight in the eye, "Lillian paano mo nagawa sakin to? Paano mo na-manage na maitago si Alyanna sakin?"

Lillian defensively responded, "Well, it's not like nag-effort ka masyadong umuwi sa Pilipinas. In fact, you didn't."

"So dahil umalis ako sa bansa, hoping to heal from your abandonment, you decided to not tell me na may anak tayo?"

"Hugo, you weren't ready and we both know it. We only saw each other for two months, tops. And next thing I knew, you started seeing Andrea."

"How did my dad even get involved with this?"

"I've known Armando a lot longer than I've known you at that time Hugo. I trusted him, loved him." Lillian said,

"So while you were with me, you had feelings for him? That's fucking disgusting." Hugo responded.

Lillian took a deep breath. Clearly, Hugo did not understand her relationship with Hugo which was a deep, supportive friendship. Something she was not about to give away.

"It doesn't matter how I felt for who at that time."

"Are you sure Alyanna's mine? Not dad's?"

Lillian's face turned red with fury, even Hugo knew he crossed a boundary.

"Sorry, I should not have said that."

"Hugo, we were young. I knew you were not ready to be a father. To be quite frank, I was not sure if I was ready to be a mother. My decision was selfish yet I don't regret it. We can keep going back to the past but it's no use Hugo. Kung ako sayo, ask me questions about your daughter, not about what you think could heal your damaged ego."

Hugo knew she was right. Opening old wounds can only affect him and Lillian, not related to Alyanna at all. He shouldn't care about Lillian's intent. He just wants a relationship with his daughter and that's it.

"So tell me what Alyanna's like."

Lillian smiled, "She is a lot like you."