listen to your heart

eins

i stare out my window, the winter air surrounding me. feeling my heater blow out under my vanity, my feet warming up. i see my doors lightbulb light up, signaling someone at my bedroom door.

"come in."

seeing snow fall down on my large lawn, my fountain frozen. i turn around to see my mother, holding a fresh batch of cookies. i can smell them, oh my god.

"i made chocolate chip."

i read her lips as usual, smiling big, i take one. luckily, they've cooled down with my mother holding the metal tray herself. they tasted delicious as always, she smiles at my satisfaction. in the corner of my eye, i notice a piece of folded paper. opening it, i realize i've forgotten something.

shawn! showing my mother, she raises her eyebrows in interest.

"can you please call him?"

i ask, she looks at me questionably, but takes her phone out of her pocket and began dialing. my heart beat began to pick up it's pace, please let this go well. my mother smiles wide, handing me the phone, he answered! she began translating what he's saying in sign language, placing the phone down on speaker.

"hello?"

"hey, remember me?"

my mom begins moving her hands quickly.

"beauty from the park?"

i blush, even without hearing him he's a flirt.

"not a beauty, but the girl, shawn right?"

"yeah, i'm shawn. yes beauty, now what's your name honey?"

geez, i bet i'm flustered right now.

"i'm laura."

i hope i don't sound like a complete mess.

"laura... lovely name. if you'd like, i'd love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night?"

my mother has a look of joy for me, i couldn't stop smiling.

"sure!"

"great! down by 5th avenue, there's this great restaurant, would you like me to pick you up?"

i wish.

"no, thank you. i'll meet you there?"

"of course. see you soon, darling."

"see you soon, shawn."

ending the phone call, i let out a breath of relief. jesus, that was a lot of letters to translate. before i can take another breather, i get squashed by my mom in an air tight embrace. struggling to hug back, she lets me go, looking at me tear eyed. oh mom.

"it's your first date in years, laura!"

i sigh, fumbling with my fingers. what will he think of my deafness? all of them left because of it.

"what if he leaves? what if i'm a burden?"

feeling my eyes water, i quickly wipe them away, not letting my feelings get in the way again. she frowns sadly, rubbing my back.

"he won't leave, honey. he seems like a kind man that will accept you for who you are. hope, laura."

she stops moving her hands, i make a small smile for her reassurance. i need to pick out an outfit...

>>

"too revealing."

reading my mom's lips, i frown, she isn't wrong. i walk back into my bathroom, throwing off my clothes into another pile. i stare at myself in my bathrooms mirror, my hands on my sink. wait a second! quickly digging into my other pile of clothes, i choose a long sleeve black crop top with black skinny jeans, and a dark grey coat.

as i look in my large bathroom mirror, i smile. you look good, parker. i slide my bathroom door open, seeing my moms eye light up.

"perfect!"

she says in sign language, i nod, agreeing. she goes into my walk in closet, handing me a pair of lace up heels.

"these will go great with the entire outfit."

she says, feeling a tad of sadness hit me, i wish i could hear you mom. feeling my eyes swell, she notices my ruined expression, next thing i know i'm by her chest. oh, how i wish to hear your heartbeat. why can't my surgeries just go through? just once?

let me hear my mother, let me hear my dad's cd's again, let me hear the world. crying into her chest, she rubs my back, i probably sound like a dying animal. she moves some of my long, jet black hair aside, my breathing staccato-like. she brings her hand up again.

"do not cry, my love. you will be able to hear again soon, you will hear my voice again, you will hear shawn."

her eyes water, i hug her tightly, while she rocks me back and forth. seeing the snow stop falling, and just the world frozen in place, i sigh. one day i will hear her again. one day.