Cherish Every Moment Book 4: A Walk In Love

13 Apolpgies

They lay together quietly, locked in each other's arms, her head resting comfortably on his naked chest, their bodies aligned side by side and tangled. They were happy to be together at last, content, satisfied and each very confused.

***

"Ray, I..." Avi started to say. He really wasn't very good with words. He hated that about himself. There was so much that he wanted to say to Rayne in those quiet moments, but he didn't know what to say or how to say it. He loved Rayne, loved her very much. He was in love with her. If someone had asked him exactly when that happened, he would have told them the day he was born. It would have seemed corny and cheesy, but he honestly felt that in loving her, he was doing what he was born to do. If Avi were asked when he realized he was actually in love with Rayne, his answer would have been from the first note he heard her play.

He felt happy, loved, satisfied and also very confused. It wasn't that unpleasant type of confusion, the kind that hurts. It was more pleasant than that. More like when something good happens and the good fortune can't be explained. He felt satisfied in a way he'd never felt before in his sexually sheltered life. Avi tried to compare his feelings with the ones from the other morning, but the love and joy, the physical pleasure and satisfaction he felt at Rayne's touch that morning had been overshadowed by the disappointment of not being able to fulfill their desire and the fear of never being together again. It was hard for Avi to work past that.

It was also hard for him to wrap his mind around exactly what had just happened between them. They didn't exactly have sex, but the release was the same even though their pants were still on. He didn't know if she'd have to change hers but he'd have to change his. It was crazy and it was exciting, it was new, it was altogether frightening. Avi didn't know if he was supposed to feel ashamed about what had just happened between them or if the result of their actions was the purpose for them in the first place and he was supposed to be proud. It was clear to him that she had reached a climax too. He recognized the sounds she made and the expression on her face. Those sounds, that expression, the overwhelming sensations coursing through him gave him that release too. So, if that was the intention and purpose, to find release without taking their clothes off, then the purpose was served. He wanted to ask Rayne, he just didn't know how.

"Mmmm," Rayne mumbled to his chest. Her breath was warm on his skin, it tickled. Her fingers, ceaselessly moving, dancing lazily through his chest hair, tickled far more than they should have. In fact, his entire body had become hypersensitive. His feet felt heavy, his legs itched where his jeans came into contact with his skin and his underwear now had a cold and uncomfortable wet spot in them. Her body was hot against his side, her bra mostly smooth against his skin. Avi could feel the coarse lace where it pressed against him. His confusion only doubled. He closed his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts. He became distracted with the way his body felt.

"Love you." Avi quietly whispered to Rayne's hair. Suddenly, he felt relaxed, comfortable and safe. The feeling just washed over him, toppling his confusion and encircling him in warmth and joy. She was warm and comfortable in his arms, relaxed against him and asleep? He sighed deeply and pulled Rayne closer to him. He thought his desire had been satiated, but it was still there. He took several deep breaths, gently kissed the top of her head and tried to focus again. She would be the death of him.

***

She was shocked, her thoughts and feelings flying at her at an accelerated rate. It was almost too much for her to handle. She couldn't believe what they, what she had just done to him. Christ, she was supposed to be in love with Avi, not trying to use or take advantage of him. They had discussed the need and the desire to wait and had agreed that they would. Then she attacked him. Forced herself on him and took what she needed from him without concern for his wishes. She felt guilty and ashamed. Luckily Avi didn't attempt to remove her jeans, failed at getting her bra off and left his own pants alone. Rayne realized that she hadn't reached for his pants either. If any of those had come off, they definitely would have had sex.