Bestfriends (Frerard)

Chapter 8

Frank looks at Gerard in complete shock. He's so shocked he can't even move his hand out of Gerard's grasp. What did he just say? Did those words really leave Gerard's shapely lips or had he imagined them? Those beautiful words that could mean an entirely different future for him...

"What?" Frank has to whisper.

"Back then, I'd thought it impossible to get something I knew I didn't deserve; to want something I knew I couldn't have. I gave up on that notion quickly, dismissing it as just another whim of mine." Gerard glanced down at their hands together, his palm growing hotter with each passing second.

"You liked Jamia and that was all I needed. That was all my brain needed to conclude the worst- that I could never be with someone who liked me for me. It's always what I can do that can make them happy...that's what people like."

"You make me happy just by being here." Frank's voice can barely be heard because he's talking so low. His heart drums against his chest as he swallows and puts his fingers through Gerard's. "Everything you do makes me happy. Even when it's something stupid because then you confess and that makes me happy that you know."

"I felt like I had to like Lindsey." Gerard's bottom lip is shaking. The air feels as if it's gone 10 degrees cooler. "You didn't." "I know..."

"I'm sorry you went through what you went through, Gerard." Frank runs his thumb across the back of Gerard's hand as Gerard just sits there. "But I'd never do that to you. I'd never break you like she did. I'd never feel like you're not good enough. I'd never want someone else."

Gerard's face is red, his head hung in what probably is shame when he rips his hand away from Frank's. Frank sucks in a quiet breath and looks up at Gerard, who is standing up and has his hands in his hair.

"Forget it. I don't deserve this. I didn't deserve the people in the past and I don't deserve you."

"What?!" Frank's voice raises an octave as he stands up as well. "What makes you think that?"

"What makes me think that is the fact I'm shit. I don't even know why we're friends because we're two completely different people." Frank tries to ignore the stab of hurt that jolts inside of him. "We're friends because we're each others different halves."

"A different half doesn't drink himself stupid and hurts himself when he feels as if nothing is right."

"That's why I'm always there for you!" Frank yells at Gerard, half angry and half hurt.

"I didn't say you weren't!" Gerard's arms are at his sides.

"Then why don't you want me?" Frank asks in a tiny voice, following Gerard's pacing movements. "I didn't say that."

"You said forget it. When you and Mel were sick and that bitch was out of town, I was there."

"Frank."

"When you called me at 3:13 am and told me you needed me because you had a handful of pills, I was there for you."

"Stop!" Gerard hisses, his eyes red and wild as he looks in his bestfriend's direction.

"Admit it, then."

"I did!"

"Go through with it." Frank orders, breathing out of his mouth. The two men stare at each other, Gerard half crazed out of his mind and Frank hopeful.

"Kiss me."

Gerard sighs heavily and whines.

"You kiss me, Gerard."