forbidden love ❥ lashton

seventeen ❥ love yours

November 30, 1994

My dear, Lucas Hemmings, my lover, my life, the love of my life, my world, my everything,

Where have you gone, it's been so long.

Luke, where are you? I haven't heard from you since September 30, it's been 8 weeks since we've last spoken. I've been doing poorly without speaking to you. What have I done? Have I made you upset? Please inform me of anything, I need you. It was you and me against the world, Luke. It can't be you and me without you, and if it's just me, it's not enough. I'm not enough, that's all that I've accepted myself for two months. TELL ME YOU'RE OKAY, LUKE.

The police have yet not responded to my report. They've probably even tucked away from the letter you last sent. Don't worry, it was a photocopy, I keep originals. I still don't understand what message you were trying to get across, where'd you go?

I love you and I trusted you with my life. Then you disappear without a saying, without a goodbye. Please come back, don't ignore me, don't block me out, I need you. I really really need you. I've stopped going to therapy, I've stopped sleeping, I've stopped eating. It's not that I don't want to, I can't do anything with the grief of not knowing if you're okay with me.

I want to visit, to come over. But your mom, I'm scared of her, she hates me. She thinks I'm the reason you're like this, that you're homosexual. Am I really the reason? I didn't want to force you into this, it's my fault.

Where have you gone, do you still care?

Love Yours,
Ashton Irwin Xx

P.S. I LOVE YOU, I CARE FOR YOU, IM HERE FOR YOU.