dyscatastrophe

lovely (tyler)

"tyler, wake up."
i woke up to find josh sitting on the bed next to me. i groaned. i was pretty tired, i didn't get much sleep tonight. to be honest all i want to do is sleep.

"we gotta get ready for school, ty."
fucking great. i forgot about school. its pretty bad, but i get to have it with josh. he was with me almost every class, and i was grateful for that. im not sure what id do without him.
i stretch and pull myself out of bed.
"ugh, ok. i have to get in the shower.

------------------------
i looked at myself in the mirror. damn, i was a wreck. my hair was shaved because i could never keep it long enough without shaving it myself. my teeth were crooked and i was small and i honestly didn't know what it was about me that made Josh stay. i was broken. weak. i depended on pills for happiness.

why couldn't i be like everyone else? why couldn't i be happy? i could. it would just be fake. fake happiness. fake smile.fake.

I took the 4 blue pills from the bottle and washed them down with water. these were the pills that literally determined my happiness. i didn't want to admit it, but i think these pills kept me alive pretty much. they were a part of me. without them, my thoughts were loud. way too loud. they were sometimes life threatening loud. and that's what my problem was.
-----------------------

josh was going with some of his friends today. he would've not gone, but i told him that i would be okay. and i would be. i didn't need josh every single second. i walked around the house.and finally went out the door. as i walked, i looked up at the sky. it was a lovely shade of blue. that blue reminded me of a lot of things. The pills. Josh's hair when i first met him. my family.

My brother was riding his bike next to me and laughing. we were racing with a bunch of friends from the houses next door. I was happy. jay passed the stop sign first. we all high-fived and grinned at each other. i was happy. i looked at the sky, and it was that same lovely shade of blue. i loved that blue. it was a calming colour. whenever i see it, it seems to calm me. "that's my favourite colour." I heard Jay said, now also looking up at the sky. i smiled. "yeah, mine too." and it was. damn, i miss those days. The days when i had no worries. i had my family. The days when i was truly happy, without the help of 4 tiny pills.
---------------------

i was almost to the school when i heard two boys fighting. one was about my size and had a really big forehead. The other was a bit taller and he wore a flower crown. he looked so fragile. He was crying into the shorter one's chest now. Its strange to see what you go through every single day from a different angle. this is literally me and josh every day, me crying into his shoulder and him comforting me. its just strange to see it from a different perspective.

The two boys seemed to be much more content. i couldn't help but smile. they were happy now, both smiling.

i walked the rest of the way to school, trying not to be noticed. i mean, who wants some kid they've never seen just randomly watching them? i wouldn't. i looked in their direction one more time, and saw them walking, fingers laced together. it was cool, one second they were fighting, the next they were holding hands.

|stop there and let me correct it|i wanna live a life from a new perspective|

|new perspective|panic! at the disco|

hey there's a lot going on in this chapter but i wanted to show some more of tyler's back story and the in the other parts too. k bye

-chase