Ana in Wonderland

I love you

I don't remember much

After that.

I drift

In

And

Out

Of consciousness.

When I awake,

For good,

It's dark outside.

And a feeding tube,

is in my nose.

The feeling is sensational,

But bearable.

I can feel the cold liquid

Hitting my stomach.

I begin to cry,

Loud,

Messy,

Tears.

Shh,

It's okay.

My mothers tear streaked face,

Clouds my vision.

Get it out!

I scream at her,

Grabbing for the tube.

No, Preslee,

Stop!

She shouts,

Holding my arms at my sides.

Get off of me!

I yell,

Thrashing violently.

Preslee,

She cries,

As the hospital door

Flies open.

Nurses,

In blue

And green scrubs,

Crowd around us.

They pull my

Sobbing mother away.

And pin my arms

To my side.

A sharp ting is in my arm,

And then everything

Goes dark.

When I wake

The second time,

My arms

Are strapped to the bed.

The sun is shining,

And the tube is gone.

Kyler sits by my bed.

Hi,

He says,

Realizing I'm up.

Hi,

I croak,

Horsely.

You feel any better?

He asks.

No,

I tell him,

Wishing I could roll over,

So I won't have to face

My troubles.

Why'd you do it,

Preslee?

You really think

Suicide is the answer?

I wasn't trying to kill myself!

I shout,

In my defense.

I was trying to kill the pain.

He sighs,

And grasps my

restricted hand.

Why haven't you been eating?

Because I'm fat.

I say.

Obviously,

Ana echoes.

A single tear

Rolls down his face.

No,

You're not,

He says simply.

Yes,

You are,

Ana corrects him.

Let me

Fix you,

Preslee.

I don't know,

I tell him,

Who will leave,

Or who will stay.

So what choice have I,

Besides,

To push everyone away?

Don't to that,

Damnit.

Not again,

Preslee.

I

Won't

Lose

You,

Again.

I just got you,

To start coming

Back around.

I smile,

A tired smile.

I long

To touch his face,

To wipe away

His lonely tears.

Why don't you go,

And find some other girl,

Who won't hurt you?

Because I want you,

Preslee.

I love you,

Preslee.

Always.

And I'm not going

To let you

Push me away

Any more.

I'm here, Pres,

And I'm staying.

I'm sorry,

I say,

Quietly,

That you fell in love

With someone

With so many problems.