When I was younger, I was super touchy-feely and loved cuddling and being close to people. I was super clingy and lovey-dovey, completely difference than I am now, and then I got molested and it ruined everything. Now I hate being close to people and I'm super paranoid about any guy standing close to me and holding hands makes me want to die and the idea of lying with someone makes me want to throw up. And I hate it because it affects every single day. I hate it, because I know if I hadn't been molested I would still like being close to people and it would make everything so much easier. There wouldn't be an alarm that goes of every time someone stands close to me and I wouldn't feel so isolated. And it just makes me sad because I should like physicality and I should like being with lovey guys but I can't. I want the old me back.
