Gay/ Joshler

14.

Josh's pov:
I repeatedly call his phone, but he doesn't pick up. I become worried and anxious. I pace my bedroom, waiting helplessly for anything.
"You have reached the voicemail of..."
I shout and I throw my phone at the wall, it's smashed and the screen has peeled. I deserve that.

Ashley barges in to see what the commotion is about, "What the shit are you doing? It's 9 at night!" She's scolds like my mother. "Sorry", she peers round into my door to see the mess and my phone. "Why did yo-", "Because I fucked up, okay?" She flinches at my rude remark and closes my door to leave me alone. I fall to the floor against my bed with my head in my hands to re-evaluate my purpose. All I do is hurt people.

Tyler's pov:
I glare at my phone, watching it light up and feeling it buzz when ever he'd call me. Eventually, I turn off my phone. My breathing hitches as I take a breath in from my crying, like a whimper. I cry and cry until I give myself a migraine and on the verge of making myself sick.

I go into my bathroom sort myself out. I splash my face with cold water and I down a dose of tablets. Perching on the edge of the toilet seat, I tangle my hands at the back of my neck. I can't get the image out of my head of Josh being touched by someone that isn't me, especially girls. But the worse thing is, he entertained if! "Stop. Stop" I say to myself before I start to over think. I send myself to bed early that night.

The following morning, I don't even bother to look nice. But I leave early so Josh can't pick me up to take me to school. I get there early enough to interrupt Brendon and Jenna's morning make out session. "You're early" Jenna states the obvious whilst fixing her hair. "Where's Josh?" Brendon asks, looking around, knowing we're usually at the hip. I shrug. "Did you have an argument?" I nod slowly, "He was letting a group of cheerleaders flirt and touch him" I blurt out, and immediately regretting it. "Oo bummer" Brendon says non caring. Jenna jack slaps him which makes him leave, swearing.

I explain to her what happened yesterday, she's disgusted. "Sorry to hear. You still together?" Before I can say anything Jenna cuts me off and whispers under her breath, "Sh, Josh". I curse and I make up some excuse to leave. "I-I have rehearsals" and Jenna nods and plays along. Just as I walk away I hear a low growl of a males voice, "You can't walk away from me forever". I cringe. I don't even need to turn to know who it is. I walk faster but I feel a force on my bag which stops me from escaping.

"Josh..please let go of my bag" I slightly plead trying my best to not let him know that I'm intimidated. "I just want to talk with you" I sigh quietly so he doesn't hear me. "Okay" I face him, waiting for him to talk. He places two strong hands on my hips in attempt to get closer to me but it makes me more anxious. I try to get him away but I back myself into a locker, and he looks down on me. "Why are you backing away from me?" I reply with a small shrug. "I'm sorry for yesterday. It wasn't what it looked like, I assure you" I listen carefully to him. "I was waiting at the car for you to come back with the keys, then some girls came over to talk about my goal on the field" I nod, "They were flirting with me, I tried to get them to leave but they didn't listen". "Did you tell them you have a boyfriend?" I question and she shakes his head and I shake mine. "I-I don't believe you, Josh".

His face twists into anger. "Why-what?" He steps away and shouts. I can see Jenna walking over, but I shake my head, signalling her to stay there. "You didn't tell them to stop! If you had any respect for me or yourself you would've walked away" I bark back. He stares at me, in shock that I just spoke back to him.

He walks back closer to me, and I'm pushed up against the locker again. "Is this supposed to scare me, Josh?"

THUD

In that split second, he punches the locker I'm against with his fist skimming my face. Jenna gasps and shouts for Brendon who saw the whole thing from afar. His breathing cracks and teary eyes meet mine, which are like stone. "I'm glad that's how you feel about me" I whisper. I look past his shoulder to see Brendon, Jenna, Pete and a couple kids staring. After un-wedging myself from Josh and the dented locker, I drop my bag at my feet and I turn away.
"Ty..", "It's over".
I take off, running down the corridor away from everyone and everything. I hear the faint shouts of my name, and Josh's name being called. Brendon's deep voice echoes through the corridor behind me shouting, "Josh, leave him!" Is he after me?! I switch my paths we a door and I run even faster, who knows what he'll do to me, he almost crushed my skull.

But the door only leads to a class room. Fuck. I run to the back of the room and I shut myself in the classrooms stock cupboard, biting my fist so he can't hear my fear. I hear a rattle of a door then a loud thud. Scraping of chairs follow after the thud. A few cuss words are breathed out. Josh. A door slams. I assume he's gone. I creep out the cupboard and I run for the door. It creaks slightly so I must be quick. I slip out the door, looking both ways before running down the corridor. Who would've thought I'd be running away from someone I love the most one day?

My lungs burn and my eyes are heavy. Occasionally panting. I run back to where the others were when it happened. "Bag, bag, bag!!" I shout hoping one of them will throw me my bag. Jenna tosses it to me so I can run out of the school as fast as possible. Others flow in and fill the school is looking busy. Perfect. I doge past teachers slyly, now walking. I walk aimlessly, until I reach a forest. My feet drag across the floor, making my shoes dirty. That's one of my least worries right now. An old log sits by a shallow pond. I'll sit here. I pull out my phone and I call Jenna;

"Tyler?! Are you okay?"
"Jen, shush! Where is Joshua?"
"Brendon said he got taken into the principals office"
"Good. I'm down in some forest, by a pond. Don't let him know"
"We will find you at break"

I look around my surroundings. Green. Brown. Mostly green. I pick up a stick, and I swirl it into the murky coloured pond.

CRUNCH

"What's that?" I mumble to myself. On my phone I pull up 'find my iPhone' and I turn it off. I look around, nothing. I'm probably overthinking.

An hour or so passes and I feel a buzzing from my bag. I open it to see my phone lit up, 'jishwa'. Once he gives up on calling me, I change his name back to, 'josh'. Never would I thought I'd have to change his contact name. But he doesn't stop there, he messages me nonstop:
Josh: "where are you?"
Josh: "i'm sorry"
Josh: "I love you"
And other messages of complete bullshit. He doesn't love me. Probably never has. He probably wanted me for a quick fuck. I throw my phone in my bag stopping myself from reading them anymore. I scratch my head and I carry on swirling my stick in the water, watching the ripples form on the surface. That's when I feel some hands pushing my shoulders, "boo!" I turn around and it's only Pete. "Don't do that!" I punch his shoulder when he sits down on the log. "Sorry man" he apologises. "Why aren't you with the others?" I ask him noticing he came alone. "They couldn't get out of school without getting caught" I nod my head slowly. I can imagine so with Patrick, pussying out saying he should stay back at school. I laugh to myself.

He stays with me until lunch time. We talk about everything from Patrick, to Tacos, to the presidential election, but not once did he ask about Josh, which I liked. I never thought Pete Wentz could have an intellectual conversation. "Should we go back to school?" I suggest. And he raises an eyebrow, "That's not a good idea. He was in a foul mood when I left." I shift uncomfortably, "I never though he'd do something like that. Has he ever done anything like that before?" He adds, and I shake my head. "That's the first time". I can almost feel Pete sympathising with me. "He scared me".

Pete finally agrees to leave the dingy woods and walk back to school with me. We stop by Starbucks for some coffee which we take back into school. We get to the school gates and I stop and look at Pete, he notices my worry. "He won't touch you, I won't let him" and shoots a half smirk at me. I pull my backpack over both shoulders so it can't be pulled off. Between sips of coffee I look around me, following right behind Pete. I get strange looks from everyone when we arrive in the cafe, people look at me then chitter amongst their group. Word gets round fast.

Pete grabs my hand and sits me down at our usual table. The others bare small smiles at me. The space where Josh would sit is taken up by a girl with long blue hair who I recognise as Ashley. She grins widely at me which makes me crack a smile. "Where's Josh?" I ask Jenna, she nods to behind her, I look around until I see the table of jocks, including Josh. He is looking at me from his table, making me look away immediately. I can still feel his eyes burning into me.

This has been the worse day of my life.