Gay/ Joshler

25.

*three week time jump*
Tyler's pov:
"After noon, Selena" I smile tiredly at Josh's nurse. She's the one who does the honours of fishing tubes of liquid food out Josh. "Heya, sweetness" her southern accent warms me.

I've decided to visit Josh more often. I've even sometimes fell asleep here, often in mid conversation with him. Jenna and Brendon do occasionally drop in but they never stay for long, usually to drop off a bouquet of flowers or food for me. They say they "don't like to see Josh like this". They best get used to it cause the doctors are saying how he won't be waking up for another few weeks yet.

Right now, Selena is changing his tubes and we're chatting away. Of course I'm looking at my phone, I still can't stand the sight of the 'food'. "How can you stomach doing that?!" I gag jokingly. "Oh this ain't the worst thing, I've had patients doing the exorcist on me, or even push-" "Yeah, I get it, I don't wish for you to go into any deeper details, Selena" I laugh aloud, followed by a yawn. Still not getting a lot of sleep.

"Tyler-can I ask something?" her voice goes from sweet and calm to more concerned. She leans against the bars on the bed and faces me. "Are you alright? Are you getting enough sleep, eating?" her bright blue eyes glaze over. "Y-yeah...why?" my voice stutters over my lies. "Every time I see you, you look worse" she says  strongly. She picks up all of her medical shit and puts them on her tray and leaves with a sad smile.

Silence hangs in the air like death.

I happen to think I'm doing just fine. Sure, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Probably cause I'm worried sick about Josh. I'd classify myself as 'alright'.

The heart rate monitor goes out the pattern and stammers, disturbing my thoughts. "Did you hear that? I'm apparently 'not alright'" I make dramatic parentheses in the air, despite Josh not being able to see them. She's not the first nurse to say that. "What do they know about me, huh?" I begin to mutter under my breath, saltily. Why are you getting defensive?

The chair squeaks across the polished floor as I haul it closer to his side. I fight my instinct to climb in his bed beside him and opt for lying my head on his stomach. I am in the perfect position to admire him, sadly. I look up to his face: bruised and washed out. His lips are grossly chapped and he has dark sockets. Just as I grab his hand it twitches. We found he does that often.

"Keep still" I chuckle to myself. My eyes glance over his face, outlining all his perfect imperfections scattered on it. His eyes begin to move behind his eyelids, as if he is dreaming. Quickly, I sit up. He's never done this.

His life support machine goes crazy, spikes on his breathing appear on the monitor. Seconds later, two doctors rush into the room and block my view of him. Selena hurries in and ushers me out the room in a flurry.

"What's happening to him? Is he okay? What does this mean, is he dead?" the worst comes into my head and I panic and I begin to speak my thoughts aloud. "Usually this means the patient has had a sudden bad reaction to the medication" she comforts me. She is staring beyond my shoulder, into the the room. "Stay out here. I'll tell you when you can go back in" she stutters then runs into the room. I think I've lost him.

I wait behind a set of heavy doors, waiting in anticipation. I spend at least 27 minutes just pacing in the empty corridor, begging for Selena, or someone to walk through them at any second possible. I chew anxiously on my nails and the skin around them as Selena walks through the doors, messy hair, creased uniform and a wheezy chest. "You'll be glad to hear that Josh has woke up". My jaw drops and my eyes widen. "Can I see him?!" I walk to the doors with my hand pressed up against it to open it. "Wait, you need to understand that he isn't himself right now, and probably won't be for another month" she says like a warning. "What do you mean? How so?". "He's very confused of his whereabouts and he doesn't even remember the accident" I am stunned. "He's currently on a high dosage of morphine right now, so you won't get a lot out of him". I break into a smile and I shove the doors open, back through to the entrance of his room. 

I stop in the doorway. He is sat up against some pillows with his eyes half open like his ajar mouth. A doctor notices me, gives me a nod, then scurries past me.

"J-Josh?" I sit in the same chair I have for weeks now.

He starts coughing, his hand flailing to his mouth. Must be from the tubes he's had that have now been taken out. I grab a paper bowl from the bed side drawer and I place it on his lap. I'm reminded of when I was throwing up after Jenna's party, and Josh was there to rub my back and undress me from my sick coated clothes.

"Josh, It's Tyler".

He opens his eyes slowly, wincing at the bright light of the room. My knees go weak when I see his, deep brown eyes. They look dry from where they're seeing light for the first time. I missed his doe eyes.

He turns his head so he is facing me.

After examining my face, he furrows his brows at me.

"Who are you?"