[Sad]
"Right now you're all asleep in the chairs beside my hospital bed. It's become like a second home to you lads, you're always there when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Right now, you look like angels, beautiful. But I guess you kind of are angels, at least to me. You mean more to me than you can ever know, as cheesey as that sounds, it's true. Seeing your faces everyday just made me forget about the pain and cancer and everything. But even though I forgot about the lung cancer sometimes, it just didn't go away. I remember when I was diagnosed with it, stage four, and I remember how we all cried and you held me in your arms. You all cried because you knew, you knew that I wouldn't have much longer. And I cried, because I saw you guys cry. I wasn't scared of dying, and I'm still not. I'm just scared of leaving you four behind. I love you all so much and all I ever wanted to do was be strong and make sure everything will be okay and make sure nothing ever hurts you. But it turns out that...I won't be able to do that anymore. Because if you're reading this, I'm gone. I'm gone and I just left you boys behind. Hurt. Broken. I feel like I ruined One Direction, but I hope you guys keep going. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you, because I promise I don't want to go. Liam's shifting in his sleep, he might wake up soon and I should end this letter. Please remember me before I got sick. Remember me when I wasn't fragile and pale and weak and ill. Remember the good times, the happy times. Don't let One Direction die. Please keep going, keep singing, keep making music. For me. Please, don't forget me and don't feel bad. I love you, okay? Remember that if not anything else. I love you so so much x Zayn"
--
I've read the letter so many times that I can recite it word from word.
I replay the words in my mind whenever I can't sleep.
I replay the words in my mind whenever I'm sad. When I'm happy. When I'm afraid.
I think of him every time I close my eyes and it kills me.
When Zayn died, One Direction stopped making music for a year.
We stopped making music but we kept being friends.
We all needed each other to cope. We all needed each other to be strong, to be brave.
But then I reread his letter, and I saw he told us to never stop making music.
How can we deny a dead man his last wish?
So, we came out with a new album and we called it 'Gone But Not Forgotten'.
We dedicated it to Zayn.
--
"Boys, do you remember when we found out I only had one month left to live? I think about it all the time. It seems like one month went by so quickly. I wish I could bottle up time and give it to you so we could just live forever. I wish I could stay 'Forever Young'. I wish I could just take a clock and smash it and that it would make time stop. But I can't and we all know that. Time is precious, and that's something I've learned from all of this. That last month of mine we spent together...God, it was the best thirty days of my life. Better than when we won a Brit award, better than when we recorded our first album, performed at the Olympics. Even though I got sick sometimes and every time I went to sleep I was afraid I wouldn't wake up...I would just be SO happy that you boys were with me. Because you just made everyday feel special and wonderful and magical and everyday I spent with you lads, I'd think to myself 'If this was the last day of my life, I would die happy.' and I truly meant it every time. Knowing that I had you four in my life and that you loved me so much...just knowing that, I could die happy- I will die happy- Actually, if you're reading this...It means I did die happy. I love you boys. I love you so much, and I'll miss you. Even though our time together wasn't nearly long enough, I'm so thankful for every second spent with you. But all good things come to an end, and sometimes the end comes too soon. I love you, I love you, I love you...repeat that a million infinity times and that's how much I love you boys. Don't miss me too much, because one day we'll meet again. One day we'll meet again and we'll be together forever and ever. I'll wait for you wherever I am. I'm going to be with Zayn now, boys. Don't worry about me. Keep singing, I'll be listening xx Love, Harry"
