[Sad]
“Just.. Just leave me alone. I’ve heard enough of your excuses. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Ever. Again” I spoke as calmly as possible as I watched Louis crumple in front of me.
“I never meant to hurt you..” I heard him whimpered from behind his mop of hair.
“And what exactly made you think cheating on me wouldn’t hurt me, Louis?”
He fell silence & I took that as an invitation to leave his apartment. I felt the tears I had been withholding fall down my face as I heard him silently sobbing into his couch. It was his loss. He deserved what I had dished out at him & nothing he said now could help. We had been dating for 1 1/2 now & I had caught him with some blonde haired, fake boobed slut from this years xfactor. I was at my car now & I could barely catch my breath, the tears were streaming down my face so violently. I was going in hysterics, it had taken me at least 10 tries to push the keys into the ignition I was shaking to terribly.
When I finally got home, I ran to my room & spent the rest of my night crying myself to sleep, hoping that God would give me mercy. I shut off my phone, turned off my computer & locked my door.
I was awoken the next morning by a group of police men at my door. My groggy mind took a moment to register the situation they were explaining to me with sorrow faces.
“.. we found him in his bathroom, clutching a picture of you for dear life with a small note attached.” They looked down for a minute while they pulled the small crumpled paper out for me to see.
You’re right. You deserve better. What I did to you was unthinkable & I know you’re a smart girl, you know better than to get back with me. After you didn’t answer my calls it became clear to me that I would never be able to move on. “Because nothing feels like home, you’re a thousand miles away & the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.”
I love you forever & always.
xo
-Louis
I looked up into the police officers eyes as I felt myself lose control & collapse on my front door step. Sobbing, begging, pleading for this to all be a stupid joke. The officers took a deep sigh & gave me a soft shake of the head.
“I’m sorry for your lose. Truly, I am sorry” They spoke as kind as their voices would allow before turning on their heels & heading back towards their cars.
“NO. No. It was only a stupid fight. He’s still back on his couch. Waiting for me to come back & let myself back into his arms. No. You’re lying. NO.” I began to chock on the words as they tried to escape my mouth. I sat for what seemed like an eternity on my front doorstep, clutching the necklace Lou had given me for our one year anniversary. I lifted my head slowly remembering a part of the letter he had written me. “After you didn’t answer my calls”. I crawled to my phone as fast as my weak body would allow & pressed the voicemail button.
I lost the little control I had over my body as I heard Lou’s broken voice before he left me one last time.
“By the time you hear this, I guess I won’t really be around. Oh god. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself, even if you ever did. I can’t .. I can’t live with myself.” he broke into sobs the line ran dead. My shaking hand dropped the phone onto the cool tile floor while I gathered the strength to pull my body off the kitchen floor. I stumbled towards my bathroom & scrambled to open the first pill bottle I saw. Emptying container after container, I felt the life draining from my body.
“I love you forever & always Lou. Without you I’ll be miserable at best”
My eyes rolled back & I counted down my heartbeats before I could see him again.
