Ludus (Dance Academy Fanfic)

Tara

As soon as I saw Kat's face hovering by the window I knew that she was officially over excited. It must had been the hundredth time I saw her that day, each time she would announce how many hours it was until her party. Just then, my mobile rang from across the room, disrupting the piano music that played in the studio. 
"Turn it off!" Ms Raine shouted to no one in particular, glancing at the window where Kat's face had disappeared from view. She bobs back up a moment later, holding up five fingers on her hand and her phone in the other.
"I know" I mouth to her. "Five hours" 
She gives me a hasty thumbs up before running out of sight. 
"Excited about her party?" Christian whispers to me as I walk to the centre with the rest of the class. 
"Of course she is. I've had a countdown going on since T-minus 9 hours" 
Christian laughs and shakes his head, and then we are both spinning along with the class and I allow myself to soar away, away from life and boys and parties. Back to dance. 

I've barley stepped out of the studio after my last class of the day before Kat grabs my arm. 
"T, I don't have enough cups!" she exclaims.
"What?" 
"Cups! What are people going to drink?" 
"Kat" I say, putting my hands on her arms to steady her. "Calm down" 
Kat just grins at me, her excitement lighting up her eyes.
"I can't!" She says, practically bouncing. 
"I'll get cups on my way over. Now, are we going to go and get ready or what?" 
"Yay! Oh, but I've got to meet up with Ethan! He's helping me clean the house" 
"Okay. I'll bring cups round later, after I've got ready" 
"Why are you taking so long to get ready?" She asks. 
"First thing on my list is to nap" 
She laughs, giving me a quick hug goodbye. 
"I love you, Tara. You're the best friend ever" 
When she says that, a lump forms in my throat and my chest goes tight, although I don't know why. Probably the honesty of her words or maybe it’s something else that I haven't quite put my finger on yet.
"I love you too" I laugh. "Now go" 
I make my way back to my dorm, and I feel the excitement of the anticipation of the party fill me up. I can’t wait. Almost everyone at the Academy will be there, and the thought of letting go and dancing away this hole inside me is very appealing. As I'm thinking, Christian slides up to me. 
"Hey, T" 
"Hi" 
"What's up?" 
"Getting ready to take the greatest nap of my life" I say. "And then Kat's party" 
"I'll see you there" he tells me. "Try not to collapse from my sensational good looks" 
I snort. "I'll be okay. But thanks for your concern" 
We turn around a corner and reach my dorm. 
"Abigail's doing cardio. There's another half hour till she's back" I say." I part my lips and look up at him, willing him to say yes. 
"What are you suggesting?" He asks. "Half an hour with you, alone, in an empty room." 
I open the door and tug him inside by his shirt, and Christian shuts it behind him. 
"Dude, calm down" I laugh. "We're just gonna make out" 

Kat answers the door a few seconds after I ring the doorbell, and I can tell already that her excitement had doubled, something that I didn't even think was possible. 
"One hour! One hour, T, oh my god!" She squeals, dragging me into the hallway. 
I laugh with her, and we jump in the hallway. 
"Party on!" She yells.
"Girls" Ethan says, appearing in the doorway. I go over to him and kiss his cheek, snuggling close to him. He smells of expensive after shave, so much that I can't smell the real Ethan under it. I randomly catch Christians scent, seemingly out of nowhere. It makes me flinch away from Ethan, and he looks at me suspiciously, but the moment passes.
"You look so hot" Ethan tells me, and Kat agrees. 
"Come on, first photo of the evening" she says. She has Ethan's camera, and I smile as the flash blinds me momentarily. 
"Cute" she smiles, handing the camera to me. 
I look, and it's a photo of me and Ethan together. My dress is black and sparkly, and catches the light, seemingly glittering even in the photo. My hair is loosely curled, just the way I like it. My dark red lips, with a hint of a smile, gives away nothing about my emotion. I look like someone who I don't feel like on the inside. I know I changed, but I didn't realise it was this much. Standing together with Ethan, with his shirt and jeans, we don't look like we should be together. Maybe an older version of me would be able to stay with him, but this new version of me, whoever she is, could never. And I don't really feel like playing him anymore, and I'm tired of pretending. 
"Let's snap one of you, Kat" I say. "You look gorgeous"
Kat poses, one hand on her hip, and she truly is beautiful, my best friend. 
Her blonde hair is free and flowing, her eyes sparkled with silver. Her pink netted dress is beautiful, fun and outrageous like Kat herself. 
"Let's have fun" I say, and I grab her hand pulling her into the centre of the living room, and Ethan turns up the music and all three of us are dancing, until we have to stop to perform the last little preparations. Soon after that, people begin arriving and we all start to dance again, the house buzzing and alive. I dance for hours, my hair streaming past my face and out onto my shoulders, and I don't even care when Christian arrives and starts talking to some blonde girl. I don't even care when they are dancing too close together, although the crush of people is so dense now that I can’t really put names to faces. I sip my drink and dance to the centre of the floor, losing myself in the music. I dance with lots of people, Kat (when she appears again) and Ethan and even Abigail, which was surprising that she even turned up. I feel my movements become slower and sloppier, and there's a pause in the music and my arms are higher and higher, until I'm touching the sky and flying, and then the music comes back even louder, more powerful, the bass resonating in my chest and filling my bones. The mood is infectious, and I'm laughing, and I don't know if it's the alcohol in my veins or my heart leaping every time I see Christians face in the crowd, in the space between bodies and arms, but I'm smiling, even when Ethan comes up to me and slides his arms round my waist. We're dancing together, slow and in time to the heavy rhythm of the song. 
"I love you Tara" he shouts, his face in my neck. I just laugh, pushing his hair back. 
"I feel like I can fly. I'm free, Ethan" 
"I know. I am too" 
And I laugh, but it's too loud to be happy, as he feels like he can fly because he's in love with me, whereas I'm flying because I'm finally free of him. I know what love is, and it isn't flying. It's crashing and burning. 
I dance away from him, on my way to find Kat. She's not on the dance floor, not in the Kitchen but outside in her Garden. She looks a little sad, being by herself. Why is she so sad, I think. She has a pretty dress and a boy who loves her. Then again, I have those things, and most days I am the farthest from happy I can get. 
"Katrina!" I shout. She turns and smiles, and I watch the way her dress swishes as she walks. 
"You're so pretty" I say, and I hug her, but I stumble and lose my balance. 
"Wow" she says. She holds my arm to steady me. "Hold on a second. Are you drunk?" She asks. There’s a hint of amusement in her voice.
"No!" I object. "No! No! Well, maybe a little bit" 
We both laugh, dissolving into fits of giggles. 
"You're so happy when you're drunk" she says, her eyes crinkling up. "Like you used to be" 
"Come on Kat! You're missing it! You're not dancing!" I say. 
"Okay. Let's go" she grabs my hand and we dance for ages, laughing at the boys who want to get too close to us. We don’t need boys, because we're together, and sisters forever. I get tired before she does, and I wander around her house, looking at all the objects that make her up, fragments of her personality. I find myself in her bedroom, looking at the photos she has scattered on her dresser. One of them is of me, and I have changed. The tawny haired, slight girl with a sheepish grin is not who I am anymore. On the inside, as well as the outside. I thought I was in control, but I don't know where I’m heading, and I feel strange and unconnected to my body. I don't feel bad about the bad things I do anymore, because they don't feel like I committed them. Like someone else took control of my brain and made me say those things and kiss Christian when I'm meant to be in love with Ethan. 
"Hey" a voice in the doorway. I put down the photo frame, and it's Christian. 
"Hi." I say. I'm calmer now, although my heart races when I see him. 
He comes over to me and puts his hands around my waist, leaning his head on my shoulder. 
"I don't like it when you dance with Ethan" he says.
I laugh. "You're not meant to be jealous. That's not the deal" 
"What is the deal then? It seems pretty stupid to me" 
"It's the way it is, Christian. If you don't like it, leave. Run for your life"