Ludus (Dance Academy Fanfic)

Ethan

I saw the ad just after Kat had left me alone outside, the time we ate strawberries and talked about Tara and Christian. Although it was clouded with sadness, it's one of my favourite memories with Kat. Memories. It's weird to think of how times change. Something is present, and then, suddenly, as if it never happened, it has passed. Something is brilliant, exciting, loving, and then it's gone. It's been two weeks since I vowed to my sister that it was us Karamakovs in it together, and two weeks since I saw the ad. Two weeks since I saw the advertisement, applied, had an interview over Skype and was accepted. Yesterday I got my final conformation letter and the key to my new future. The problem was letting the present turn to past. I have spent part of my life here, spent time growing up and showing up to dance classes. Kissing girls and meeting the one girl who I actually fell in love with. Even so, I have an urge to get away, to leave behind the betrayal and the sadness and find something new, something to light my heart up again, the way Tara used to do. I am not running away for the wrong reasons, I am not running away at all. I am seeking something new, I am waiting for the gap in my heart to fill and heal and be okay again. At least I tell myself this, but when I wake up in the middle of the night and cannot shake away Tara's touch from my skin, I'm scared to death that I will never forget her, how I will live with her in this half dream-half reality life. As the days fly by, I am more and more certain that this is something I want to do. And although it is a massive, incomprehensible leap of faith, I am craving the relief of making it to the other side.

I wait outside the doors of the academy for a moment, savouring the surreal situation. This is the last time I will ever open these doors, at least for the foreseeable future. While most of my friends flew off after they left the academy, I stayed and hovered. Now is the time to grow my own weeks, and I take a breath and walk into the busy corridors that I spent three years rushing through, king of the castle. "Ethan!" Kat called, surprised. She was at her locker. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I came to talk to you. And to others"

"Well?" She asked, leaning on her hip. She was grinning, but I watch her face change from expectant to worried as I delay my answer.

"Ethan? Is everything okay?"

I hated to see her like this, her whole world ready to be shattered again. Christian and Tara already broke her, I don't want to hurt her as well. The words stick in my throat, and I swallow them. This is something I must do.

"I..." I take a deep breath. Close my eyes. Say the rehearsed words. "I'm moving away. To Barcelona. I've got a job choreographing for a small company"

I wait for her reaction; see the shock of my news until a flash of hurt. She doesn't say anything, and the gap in the conversation continues on for a little too long.

"Kat?" I ask.

She smiles, blinking heavily. It hurts me to see her upset.

"It's... It's just a lot" her voice is thick. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain, she's already had enough with the toxic people in her life, the same reason I am leaving.

"Is it because of Tara?" She asks.

"No, no... Maybe." I sigh, and run a hand trough my hair. This was a lot harder than I was expecting.

"I just needed to get away, Kat." I say again. "From her, from this. I'm sorry"

This time she can't hold it together, and a tear escapes her eye. Great.

"I don't think I can be around you right now" Kat mumbles, fleeing.

"Kat!" I shout, but she doesn't turn round. That was horrific, the weight of her emotion weighing down on me too. I shouldn't have told her here, I should have left her hints to soften the blow-