Ludus (Dance Academy Fanfic)

Christian

Times like this, I wish I was seven. I close my eyes and focus on the daydream I've entertained for the last week. I imagine Tara when she was younger, with a gap in her teeth and her smile wide, eyes bright. I imagine her cotton dress, with pretty flowers on it. Seven year old me doesn't like it. I like fast cars and red, and this girl isn't anything more than annoying. She has a best friend, Kat, with her blonde hair braided back, with strands unravelling and tracing her neck. They're fighting, arguing about a lost bracelet. 
"It's mine!" Tara says. 
"No. It's mine!" 
"Guys" I say. I was tired of this argument. Five minutes was too long now, and I wanted to play. "Does it matter? You're still best friends" 
And in the sunshine, Tara and Kat both smile because the bracelet doesn't mean anything. They're still best friends, and in their seven-year-old minds, always will be. 
"Look. I have a new necklace anyway. It matches your one!" Tara says. 
"That's pretty! Let's play" Kat says. 
Just like that the bracelet is forgotten, lost and covered up by friendship. I am brought out of my daydream by the hustle and bustle of the Academy's corridor. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know of Tara and Kat’s existence when I was seven, or any girl for that matter. I want so badly for all this to be over. If we were seven, Tara and Kat would forget about me, and become friends again. I wish we could all hang our again. I'm tired of this war, tired of Kat looking at me like she hates my presence. I deserve it, definitely, but it was never meant to be this way. 

"Christian" Ms Raine’s shrill voice reaches me from across the hall.
"You have no more class today?" She asks, walking towards me.
"No" 
"Good. You'll help Kat with her Pas de Deux. Studio B, five o’ clock" 
"But, Ms Raine-"
"No buts. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
She walks away, not hearing me sigh. I rest my hand against the lockers, slowly and repetitively banging my head on the locker. 
"What's up?" Tara asks, appearing beside me. Despite myself, I still feel a rush every time I see her. We haven't been talking much at all, just polite small talk whenever it was needed. I missed her, and I missed Kat, and even though I never really liked Ethan I missed all of us together. 
"Ms Raine has cornered me into helping Kat with Pas de Deux" 
Tara smiles sadly. "Oh" 
I turn to look at her, my head still resting against the cool metal of the lockers. 
"Tara, please. We haven’t spoken properly since the party" 
"I wonder why" Tara says dryly, eyes shifting to the side.
"I'm sorry, okay?" 
"No, Christian, here's the thing. I don't deserve to be angry at you" 
"That is true" 
"But, I still do. I feel betrayed, which is absolutely ridiculous. I just need time to move on-" 
"Move on? So you're going to forget about the friendship you had with Kat?" 
"Christian, I messed it up. And I messed you and Kat up. And I messed Ethan up. And the best thing for all of them is to forget my existence" 
"No it's not! You need to apologise" 
"Like I haven't tried already? She's not interested Christian." 
Tara steps towards me, lowers her voice. The movement is familiar. I knew she wants something, but this time it's different. 
"Please" her voice is low and quiet. "Try to make it up with Kat. She really liked you, I'm sure. I want you to make her happy" 
She turns to walk away but I grab her shoulder to stop her. 
"But that's not going to happen! Tara I'm no good for her. As long as you try to keep blaming yourself, I'm also the one who cheated. We’re in this together" 
"No, we're not. I ruined her relationship and messed with her family. She's not going to forgive me. She might forgive you though. Please, Christian. Tell her how much you're sorry." 
"I'm going to, I just don't want to go out with her again" I argue. 
"Why not?" 
"Because I cheated on her! I cared about her and I cared about you-" 
"You can forget about me, Christian." Tara tells me. She sighs. "I've got class" she starts to walk away.
"Please, Tara. Let's not end it here" 
She smiles sadly. "It didn't end there. It ended when you asked me if I was yours, and the answer was yes."
With that last remark, she walked away, leaving my mind reeling. I wanted to chase after her, but I also wanted to leave her alone. I still wanted to kiss her, but I wanted to kiss Kat as well. I went back to my head banging on the locker. 
"Boy did you mess up" Abigail remarked as she slid up to the locker to the side of my body. I watched her from the corner of my eye as she retrieved a book. 
"I just wanted you to know" her eyes looking at me with distaste. "That I heard you and Tara at the party. And as the only one who wasn't blind drunk, I told Ethan a few of my suspicions. It was for the best. Those girls don't need you ruining their dance training just so you can play them like some dumb game. And who do you think you are, anyway? Some sort of smouldering, gift to women? You listen to me, Christian. You leave Tara alone, and you leave Kat alone. Understand?" She smiles them, tapping me on the shoulder lighting. She swans away, and I groan. Girls were too complicated, and a lecture from Abigail was the last thing I needed. I was tired of everyone telling me what to do and how I should feel. Sometimes I wanted to just get away from it all, just leave everyone behind. Other times I just wish I didn't mess everything up. Either way, both options are impossible, so I dragged myself out of the corridor in search of food. I needed fuel to face Kat later... The thought of food and Kat sparked an idea in my brain. I opened my mobile and called Tara. 
"What?" She said. 
"Meet me in the boarding house with flour and eggs"
"Why?" 
"We're making it up to Kat." I said. 
I hear her laugh on the other side of the line. 
"This" she said. "This is what I missed about you. The Christian who made it snow" 
Her statement made me smile. It was nice knowing that I could be that person again. Hopefully, Kat could still see that person in me and forgive me. 
"This is what I missed about you" I began. "The Tara who cared"