Amour

CONFESSIONS:I

Snape and Hermione entered his office in silence;tension radiating from both of their bodies.Both were suffering from a conflicted contradiction:to tell or not to tell.To accept or deny.To let the heart rule or the mind.Hermione tugged at her skirt,smoothened out the creases on her shirt,loosened her tie as she felt like being suffocated by the pressure.Snape casually picked up a book,pretending to not at all anticipate whatever she was about to say.
"Umm...I don't know where to begin...."She looked up at him,he was listening intently."First of all,I would like to say I'm sorry I behaved that way that night you drove me back from the forest.You ensured my safety and showed your care and I made my displeasure vocal.You saved me yet again,like you've done a number of times in the past years and I...I was just angry with myself,I guess, that I couldn't make you see what this actually was.Maybe you're shying away from feeling what you actually feel or maybe choosing not to see it or maybe I am just completely wrong.But I have realised what I truly feel,I have discovered myself and for that,I'm eternally grateful."Snape quirked up his eyebrow.Oh..I'm not getting a good feeling out of this.What is she getting at?"Ms.Granger,...I'm not sure I understand..."Snape began.
"I love you."
Hermione looked him straight in the eye and there was so much love and power and sincereness in her eyes that Snape could not look away.There was pin drop silence.The book slid out of his hand and landed with a thud on the floor.He gripped the edge of the table to steady himself.He lost the abilty to move or speak.Hermione's own heartbeat was pounding in her ear.She had expected this kind of a reaction from him and thought it better that it must be she ,who continued."I know what you are thinking;that I must be out of my mind,that this might get me expelled,all this is for naught and my aspirations are doomed and that love is just a shout out into the void,a silly human error,a chemical defect so to speak,and that all this fading into oblivion is inevitable.And I also know that I am in love with you.I had to tell you...I just had to.I recently decided to not deny myself the simple pleasures of telling true things and this is the truth.I'm in love with you,truly,madly,deeply."
Hermione chose each word carefully,and her chest was heaving by the time she finished and her eyes grew moist.Each word hit Snape right in the core of his heart,a place he never thought anyone could reach.Sweet Jesus!What has she done?!After several minutes he found his voice back."Ms.Granger...what are you talking about?Do you realise..?I had no idea you felt this way.I cannot begin to fathom...."He was talking gibberishly.Then he decided that harsh truth was what would make her back off.She had to stay away..she must.I cannot do this.We cannot be.This just cannot happen.Its not possible..."I'm sorry for whatever struggles you've been through or if I've caused you any pain.Believe me it was unconsciously done.I just didn't realise that you'd be naive enough to think I have some kind of affection for you."Snape said,making his face impassive.Herimione blinked."Is...this your reply?Are you mocking me?Are you laughing at me?!"Hermione asked ,incredulous."I'm afraid,it is.I'm not habituated with mockery.I just thought you should be brought out of this silly little reverie."He replied.Hermione could'nt believe it."Might I ask,why with so little endeavour at civility am I thus repulsed?"she asked,her anger surging.He drew himself to his full stature and looked down his hooked nose at Hermione."You want reasons, is it?How about the fact that there is a twenty-year age difference between us,we have a teacher-student relationship and nothing more than that,anything more would be frowned upon by society;not to mention the total inappropriateness of our situation and your complete disregard for my reputation when choosing to insult me by telling me this."Hermione refused to give up so easily."Age difference?Societal restrictions?Hunh.You're just afraid.Afraid to accept your own feelings.Please,I beg you,don't hold back.Please don't hide yourself in that darkness which you so desperately cleave.""Ms.Granger,you're crossing the line.You don't know who I am."Snape said severely,remembering what he really was."That's the problem-I do know who you really are.I've got the rare glimpse at the real you;not what the world sees.I've seen that you are kind,compassionate,heroic,strong,protective and honourable.You are a good man."Hermione argued.Snape showed his disgust,while his heart was weeping."You don't know anything!I don't understand the reason for these foibles and caprice;you're missing the obvious-I don't love you."Hermione just gaped at him,the tears in her eyes threatening to escape.A few minutes of shocked silence ensued where Hermione tried to cope with what Snape said and he glared down at her,hoping just hoping she would see the real emotions underneath,but then again wishing she would just hate him and go away.She came closer to him,her face inches from his."Professor Snape.If you look me in the eye and tell me right now,that you feel nothing for me,then I'll go away right now and never repeat these words of mine.... that are so disgusting to you."Hermione croaked.Snape took a deep breath.What I'm about to do,I'll regret the rest of my life.But I have to.He readied himself to tell the biggest lie of his life."I don't.I don't feel anything for you.I'm sorry that I have to burst your bubble,but frankly this is ridiculous!"Two hot drops of tears rolled down her cheeks and Snape could'nt be more sad.He could practically hear her heart shatter.She snapped out of her thoughts,"No.No....I'm sorry.I'm sorry that I fell in love with someone who is running away from not only me but also himself."With this she walked away slowly on her weakened legs, slamming the door as she left.He could not remember how long he stood there staring at the closed door,feeling like she just wrenched his heart out with her.