Amour

GOODBYES

"Severus....is that you...?" Snape circled around in his spot but he couldn't see anything.But he very well knew who was calling him.His surroundings were too clouded with smoke.There was heat of a fire,dust that was mixing in the air,a smell of something burning and there was something else...the reeking stench of death.His heartbeat accelerated as he tried to swat his hands to clear away the smog.Then the scene in front of him unfolded.Hogwarts was a broken assemblage of rocks,fire glowing off it's windows and dense rings of smoke were rising up,while ashes were falling down like snow.And everyone he ever knew were lying scattered like debris on the field;bloodied and dead.He treaded over the bodies carefully to the one which stirred a little and had been calling out to him."No no no,please God!Not her..."He turned her over;she was bleeding as well,but her eyes gazed up at him and her lips shook as she tried to form the words."You!You did this...you brought this on us,you did."He tried to pull her up to carry her to the hospital but she grabbed him,while taking her last breath."I trusted you..."As Hermione's breath went out of her with a hiss and her eyes,which were fixed on him,slowly turned vacant,Snape let out a bemoaning wail that reached the skies.In the blink of an eye,Hermione's body changed to a skeletal corpse,that gave a musty odour and again changed to bone-dust that slipped through his fingers.As he gasped out,he found himself in black nothingness,with not even his shadow for company....................
"HERMIONE!!"Snape woke up and tried to hold onto her but groped through darkness again,since the lights were out and it was still the middle of the night.Hermione heard him screaming and came running from the other room."Severus,what happened?I just went to fetch some water..."As soon as she came in,he launched himself at her and hugged her tight to his chest.She could hear his heart racing."Oh my god....I thought...I thought..."he breathed and kissed her hair.She saw him shaking and asked,"Did you have a nightmare?"His ragged breathing was gradually coming under control,"Yeah.A nightmare...That's what it was..."She got back in bed and pulled him in and let him rest his head on her lap,while she ran her fingers soothingly through his hair.He buried his face into her torso and put his arm around her like he was afraid she was going to get lost.Hermione sat lulling him to sleep amd eventually her eyes drooped too.But she woke when she heard him mumbling."I close my eyes..and this image floats beside me.A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.His hands reach out and choke me.And all the time,he's mumbling..he's mumbling truth.Truth,like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.You push it,stretch it,it'll never be enough.You kick at it,beat it,it'll never cover any of us.From the moment we enter crying,to the moment we leave dying,it'll just cover your face,as you wail and cry and scream..." For a moment,Hermione thought whether he was speaking nonsense because after touching his forehead,she realised he had a fever,but it wasn't that bad to make him go insane."Severus,please wake up.You're muttering in your sleep."she shook him awake.He opened his eyes and they were kind of wild.She looked at him and said,"I suspected something was bothering you....and now this.What is the matter?You were saying something about truth...well what is the truth?"He stared back at her,then sat up and took his head in his hands;sighing loudly but could not bring himself to say anything.Hermione took his hands in hers,"You're really scaring me.What is wrong?What made you so terrified?I really need to know."Snape looked into her eyes and finally said,"Okay.I'll tell you..."And something made Hermione realise that something was definitely very,very wrong.............................
In bits and pieces,he managed to put together words and told her everything,except her imminent death.He explained how what he had to do was necessary and that obviously they would have to part ways.Hermione's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts,as she tried to grasp the enormity of the situation."But...but...That can't possibly be!You can't kill Dumbled-And the Unbreakable vow...when did this take place?How can this be allowed to happen?Voldemort would take over the castle!Killing off a man is a solution?Are you kidding me?"She looked at him and saw that he was perfectly serious."And you thought you could hide this from me?I could see it clearly that you were turning dead from the inside."she told him."I was wrong.Telling you everything is a definite load off my chest but it still doesn't change anything.My soul can't be saved."he replied.Her head spun,thinking about the consequences of such an action."Is there no other way?"Snape looked back at her and half-smiled at her innocence,"If there was some way,don't you think we would've thought of it?"She paced around the room,unable to accept it so easily,while Snape stayed in bed,staring off into nothing,like a beaten man."I'm sorry."he eventually said.She stopped on her tracks.
"I'm sorry that you got involved with me.If I had known that this would happen,I would've never led you on.It would've been better if our relationship had ended in courtship.This-this-"
"Physical intimacy?Do you regret having this?Do you regret loving me Severus?"Hermione asked,disbelievingly.This brought Snape's eyes back on her."No.No,of course not.This is the only valuable thing I would have left,after all this is over.My memories of you,our times together.I have nothing else to live for..."Snape said sitting up,"I'm only saying,that since we have grown so close,it'll only be harder to let go now.I regret not having enough time."Hermione climbed into bed and held his face,"Severus,love,it would've been hard even if we had a thousand years at our disposal.It's time;That all things devours.Time-thou art a heartless bitch.".............................
They sunk back in bed and spent the night,just holding each other.Snape traced the lines on her palm and fingers and muttered,"At the beginning of time,the clock struck one.
Then dropped the dew and the clock struck two.
From the dew grew a tree and the clock struck three.
The tree made a door and the clock struck four.
Man came alive and the clock struck five.
Could not,waste not the years on the clock.
Behold I stand at the door and knock." Hermione looked up at his face and knew he was going crazy thinking about the times to come.He was being strong just for her.She hid her tears from him amd asked,"So what happens after?"Snape gave a long sigh and said,"I elevate in the ranks of the death eaters,as per my previous endeavour and hope to be in charge of Hogwarts.I need to protect the students and the staff;I promised as much to Dumbledore.The Order and the ministry would lust for my blood but I guess the Dark Lord would fret over none of that once he has the greatest sorcerer of all time out of the way."He said this in a such a casual conversational tone that it made Hermione edgy.She looked with empathy at him and said,"Everyone's gonna hate you for this."He gave a sad smile,"Hatred has been my constant companion.I have enough to survive a lifetime.But I have to say,getting yours is not desirable."She propped herself up on her elbow,"I won't hate you.I'm the only one who would know the truth.What I would not give for the ability to shout it out for everyone to know!You are masquerading to be something repulsive for the sake of an old man who just wants liberty through death.You are sacrificing love,honour and happiness for the greater good.You are enshrouding the best of you!"His eyes filled with tears,"You've always thought very highly of me,Hermione.I appreciate it but I can never congratulate you on your choice of companion.""Actually,I applaud myself on my choice.And now I know it wasn't an exaggeration."she said smiling.They engaged in a passionate kiss and stayed with their foreheads pressed together.With this potential goodbye kiss,a plethora of emotions overflowed and his tears came out like a deluge."If unknowingly,I've done any mistake,think of it as an error and forget it.But forget only the error..don't forget me by mistake."Her tears flowed freely too and she just shook her head,her lips quivering with the violence of her sobs."Why did it have to be us?"Snape had no answer for her.They both wiped away their tears and sat staring at their hands.She shrugged her shoulders and said,"I don't even have a picture of you..."He thought for a moment,then said,"Close your eyes." She did.
"How is my voice?"
"Like a resonant thunder."
He came closer so that their breaths mingled,"How is my essence?"
"Like the smell of the earth after it is kissed by the rain."
He came closer still,"How is my presence?"
"Like the lull before a storm."
"Then this is how you would remember me."he said and gave her a long smooch..............
"Promise me you won't put yourself in danger.When they come and...it is done,you would stay out of the way.I would lead the death eaters out of the castle and we would join the dark lord.The rest of the castle would probably be asleep at that time so there is no real threat to them.I would have to stay in character in front of them.So I won't be able to help you.Don't try to confront us or anything.You understand me?"Hermione bit on her lip hard and just nodded.Snape remained quite for sometime then continued."Once you don't have the tracker on you after you turn 25,you're gonna have to be moved to a more secure place.I know Albus has given you the task of finding and destroying the horcruxes.Whatever your plan is,take Harry and Ron with you,they are your best hopes."He shut out the idea of what happens when all the other horcruxes are gone and the only one left was her.I can bear only so much pain in one night."So,this is it?We got instructions and we follow orders?What about our hearts?That doesn't follow any calculations..."Hermione said,shaking her head."That's what soldiers do.And make no mistake,we are soldiers in this battle against all things evil."Snape replied."And every battle has casualties."Hermione said gravely and jumped out of bed.She took a stroll across the room,passing her eyes over everything,breathing it in.Everything is going to change now.She glanced out the window;the sky was getting lighter.She looked back at Snape and pointed out,"It's a new day.The inception."He smiled back weakly.Hermione went to the drawing room and brought out his violin.She handed it to him,urging him to play for her one last time.He sighed deeply,then closed his eyes and supporting it on his shoulder,he started playing.It was rather melancholic at first and Hermione rested her chin on her hand and listened.But then he shifted to a more catchy note and smiling through her tears,she hummed along.He started singing:
Loneliness is the cloak you wear
A deep shade of blue is always there
The sun ain't gonna shine anymore
The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky
The tears are always clouding your eyes
When you're without love, baby

Emptiness is the place you're in
There's nothing to lose but no more to win
The sun ain't gonna shine anymore
The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky
The tears are always clouding your eyes
When you're without love

Lonely, without you, baby
Girl, I need you
I can't go on
{Then she did the chorus with him}
The sun ain't gonna shine anymore (The sun ain't gonna shine anymore)
The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky (The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky)
The tears are always clouding your eyes (The tears are always clouding your eyes)
Sun ain't gonna shine anymore
When you're without love, baby.....
After the song ended,he hugged her tightly and kissing her forehead,observed," I'd hold you every second.Say a million 'I love you's'.That's what I'd do with one more day with you.One more day...one more time...one more sunset,and maybe I'd be satisfied.But then again,I know what it would do.Leave me wishing ,still ,for one more day with you...."