Amour

DEALING WITH DESOLATION

If not for the beautiful azaleas,they would've spotted the red-head making his way across the field, a lot sooner.Ron came upto them smiling sheepishly."Hey guys!Wassup?" Hermione's mouth dropped open,then she gritted her teeth."Thought you two might get a bit lonely.Reckon I'd pop by-" Smack! Hermione slapped him across his face."Ow!What was that for?"Ron rubbed his cheek,looking at Harry as if she was mental."Did it hurt?"Harry asked."Yeah..."Ron said,glad that he had him on his side."Good."saying this Harry lunged at him,punching and kicking any place on his body that he could find."You stupid,idiot,son of a-!Moron!What were you thinking?Do you have any idea how we felt?!" Hermione watched the two boys wrestle in the dirt and egged on,"You show him Harry!Hit him harder on my behalf." Finally when they were out of breath Harry gave Ron a hand and helped him up.Then they started laughing altogether and shared a group hug.
"It was him,you know,"Ron told them while changing into fresh clothes,"Professor Snape.He sent the flowers along with me." Harry looked at Hermione but she didn't say anything."After I went home,he came charging into our house one day and nearly ripped my head off for leaving you.I was already feeling guilty and his conviction helped me make up my mind.I wasn't sure I could find my way back but the Deluminator helped.And he told me to deliver these flowers to you if I ever found you again." So that's how he did it."He really misses you mate."he added.Hermione wiped at the corners of her eyes and tried to smile,"I should hope so.But I don't want him to miss me too much-I don't want him to get sad." "And what about you?Who are you kidding?Do you think I didn't notice you checking the Marauders map every night just to see the tiny ink-footprints and his name floating beside it?"Harry remarked.Hermione bit her lip,trying not to cry anymore.Yes,I miss him too.God knows how he is;what he's doing right now?....................
Snape opened the door to his old chambers,deliberating whether to go in or not.Everything was just as they had left it-that is back then when they were still 'they'.A wave of air hit him as he opened the door;a damp, musty smell from being unused for quite a while but also (maybe it was just his imagination) a faint,floral,Hermione smell.He entered and it was like stepping into a time-travelling device.There was the armchair where Hermione loved to snuggle in with a book and a steaming cup of cocoa;that was the sofa on which she loved to dive in and bounce;the table where she dangled her legs from while watching him work;the door to his bedroom where once he had pinned her against the wooden frame while kissing and she had complained that the doorknob was jabbing her at the back ,and there was the bed where they had spent their first night of ecstasy and almost every night ever since.He closed his eyes and he could almost sense her presence,hear her giggle,feel her fingers lightly brush against his shoulder seam, her footfalls as she frolics away.He opened his eyes again and the room was as dead as perished dream.His feet carried him to the bathroom;he looked into the mirror and a projection appeared behind him.He focused his eyes to see it was Hermione; she smiled but a single tear rolled down her cheek.He tried to wipe it away but he only touched the glass.He whipped around and she wasn't there-however there was a discarded cardigan of Hermione lying on the floor.He eagerly picked it up and breathed it in.There's still some of her essence left.He came back inside and tripped over something-it was Hermione's phone;she had forgotten it there,and even if she had taken it with her,he didn't expect her to make contact.But a sudden desperation seized him- he began searching for his phone;he looked on the bedside table,inside the drawers,under the bed.Nowhere.He opened his wardrobe and hysterically took out all his robes and checked their pockets,till he shook one out and the mobile fell out.He then took both the devices and got into bed,under the duvet.He ran his hands over the pillow Hermione slept on and lying back,he dialled her number."Hey,this is Hermione Granger.If you have something urgent to say,please leave a message.I'm so sorry I'm unable to answer the phone right now but I promise to get back to you as soon as possible." went the voicemail.His eyes began to water.Do you promise Hermione?He listened to it a couple more times,just to hear her voice.Then he switched Hermione's phone on and he was greeted with a picture of her as the wallpaper;one of her best.He didn't find any of the two of them together, in lieu of his insistence on not getting shot by a camera.But he remembered she had forced him to record his voicemail.He dialled his number from Hermione's mobile and listened to that.
After a sigh of annoyance his voice drawled,"You have reached Professor Severus Snape.Leave a message."Then she said,"Don't say it so snarkily.Here,I'll show you :This is Severus Snape.Please leave a message.Thank you!No wait,maybe we should stay true to your character.Hmm,"she cleared her throat and began in her best impersonation of him,"You know who I am.If this is Potter or Weasley trying to prank call,then piss off.If this is Hermione,then I should tell you that I'm probably off doing some boring job like grading papers and I'll call you soon,love.If it's someone else,and have something urgent to say then leave a message urgently 'cause I'm busy with my girlfriend-if you know what I mean."He had sneered,"Very funny." And Hermione had giggled and fell back on the bed as he playfully nuzzled at her neck.
He smiled reliving that memory.He had been annoyed then,but amused at the time but now,what he wouldn't give to go back to that time once more.He kept listening to Hermione's laughter and hugged her cardigan tighter to his chest,hiding himself under the sheets.........................................
He could'nt remember how long he had been asleep there,but when he woke up the mobile batteries were dead and his pillow-cover was soaked.He dragged himself off the bed and taking the cardigan along with him,he left.He strolled through the sleeping castle and went up the spiral-staircase to Dumbledore's office-now technically his.His listless eyes fell on the portrait of Dumbledore and found him wearing a knowing smile as he always did.But he wasn't in the mood for getting lectured about patience and perseverance;but he followed his (apparent) indication and went into his bedroom.He hadn't ever slept there-partly out of guilt and partly out of respect for its previous deceased occupant.If truth be told,sleep had long since evaded him;when his body reached its last level of endurance and gave way,he usually fell asleep in an armchair or resting his head on the table,but he always woke up troubled and his sadness renewed.Now,even though the cushy bedstead looked inviting, he couldn't bring himself to give in to his corporeal demand.Instead, his eyes were attracted to a glint of light reflected on something shiny,tucked away in a corner.He walked over to it to discover that it was an ornate mirror. It had a clawed feet and a gold frame inscribed with the phrase "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi." The Mirror of Erised! He dragged it out to the office,all the way to Dumbledore's portrait."I found this inside."he told him."Ah,the Mirror of Erised.I forgot it was there..."Dumbledore adjusted his glasses to take a better look,"The engraving reads:"I show not your face but your heart's desire" backwards, with the spaces rearranged.As you probably already know Severus, it shows the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts." Snape cleaned the dusty surface of the glass and sat down in front of it, still holding onto Hermione's cardigan.The portrait Dumbledore continued,"I can see your condition ,Severus.This may seem like some kind of a solace but many have wasted away before it, losing track of reality as they are deluded by what they see. Some are even driven mad by seeing their most desperate desire, unable to achieve what they are witnessing.But you must remember, it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." "I know.I'm not hoping to get anything out of it.It's what you said,'solace'...just that.I wonder..."he gazed into the depths of the mirror and his pupils dilated, his face acquiring a distant deranged look.Dumbledore watched him for a while and asked,"You see yourself happily living a life with Hermione?" "No," Snape said in a choked voice,"I see her.Just her ,in her charmingly best self, living a wonderful life.Just..I'm not in it.She's with a worthy husband, a successful job and a happy family of her own." "It means you wish her well, but you don't expect to be a part of it."Someone said from behind and he looked around to see McGonagall walk in."I so wanna believe you Severus.If I didn't know any better, I'd say you really loved her." "Minerva,"Dumbledore butted in,"Neither of us got a chance to explain but I believe we owe you an explanation." As he narrated everything to her, she turned to look sympathetically at the man sitting on the floor, a piece of clothing of his lover draped around his shoulders."She's going to die Minerva,"Snape said in the most sombre voice she had ever heard him speak in,"Death lies on her, like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of all the field." McGonagall sniffled into her handkerchief and supported herself by holding onto the desk.Snape got up on his feet and rubbing at his eyes he said,"I can't live with that.I'll do all my duties, Albus, but I can't live with that." As Snape walked away, the grandfather-clock chimed twelve.Dumbledore wiped a stray tear and said in a low voice,"Merry Christmas."